gawai wishes from kuching
I'm in Kuching and I'm typing this out on the hotel computer where they're charging me 10 ringgit an hour to use the pc. So I have to make this quick.
First of all, Happy Gawai to everyone. Hope you're all having fun getting drunk on tuak and all. :P
Secondly, I really wanna come home. I don't feel like myself here. I feel like I'm living a double life. It's not right. Do you believe in karma? I do. And I believe that a lot of bad things are gonna start happening to me very soon.
I hope you're all happy and glad and merry and not sad. (Was trying to rhyme, very lame of me to do so)
Know what, maybe the next time I come here, I'll bring Mark. I need someone around who will keep me grounded. I do believe now that I can so totally be a horrible person if I wanted to. I could be very self-destructive. I am capable of all that. At least, here, I am. Here, where there isn't anyone to keep me in check. Where there is no one I feel I could talk to.
Why.. because I feel like I've been cut off from the world. From my friends. And put someplace where temptation stays lurking in every corner. These are just thoughts. Here I am myself by day.. at night, I'm a completely different person.
I think this is the first time in a very long while that I've been so emotionally honest in my blog.
I'm tired. I'm starting to hate myself.
I'm not tired as in sleepy kinda tired.. I can't be anymore. My sleeping pattern's been so messed up ever since I got here. I'm too awake. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to go back to doing what I've been doing the past few nights here. It's not right. I don't like it. It's not me.
Actually.. no.. wait.. yes, what I did is not right.
Maybe I gotta just go lie down and quit being so emo. I'll explain later when I'm not so.. emo. But maybe by the time I've calmed down, I probably won't feel like talking about it anymore.
It's almost been an hour. Later then, aye? =)
First of all, Happy Gawai to everyone. Hope you're all having fun getting drunk on tuak and all. :P
Secondly, I really wanna come home. I don't feel like myself here. I feel like I'm living a double life. It's not right. Do you believe in karma? I do. And I believe that a lot of bad things are gonna start happening to me very soon.
I hope you're all happy and glad and merry and not sad. (Was trying to rhyme, very lame of me to do so)
Know what, maybe the next time I come here, I'll bring Mark. I need someone around who will keep me grounded. I do believe now that I can so totally be a horrible person if I wanted to. I could be very self-destructive. I am capable of all that. At least, here, I am. Here, where there isn't anyone to keep me in check. Where there is no one I feel I could talk to.
Why.. because I feel like I've been cut off from the world. From my friends. And put someplace where temptation stays lurking in every corner. These are just thoughts. Here I am myself by day.. at night, I'm a completely different person.
I think this is the first time in a very long while that I've been so emotionally honest in my blog.
I'm tired. I'm starting to hate myself.
I'm not tired as in sleepy kinda tired.. I can't be anymore. My sleeping pattern's been so messed up ever since I got here. I'm too awake. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to go back to doing what I've been doing the past few nights here. It's not right. I don't like it. It's not me.
Actually.. no.. wait.. yes, what I did is not right.
Maybe I gotta just go lie down and quit being so emo. I'll explain later when I'm not so.. emo. But maybe by the time I've calmed down, I probably won't feel like talking about it anymore.
It's almost been an hour. Later then, aye? =)
posted by Kim at 1:40 AM
4 Comments:
It's frustrating isn't it when certain people can be extremely self-absorbed for all the wrong reasons and you just don't understand why? It's like they continue believing something vague because it makes them feel secure.
I know you know your truth so don't feel defeated. They're just a bunch of sheeps that'll jump off a cliff together :D
Cute, but pretty darn stupid ;)
oh so ure in kch now...sayang u change ur mind abt goin to rwmf...but i still think u have enough time to study(u can actually start this mth u know =p).
how come u still have exams in july?! i thought it's only in june...
kim.
you din tell me you were going to kch.
i now curse you.
from this point onwards, everytime you drink milo your ass will be so itchy u kanot tahan have to buy durian to scratch ur butt.
thank you.
*pats head*
Cheer up ^^
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