giving it one big heavy sigh
I'm being forced to blog. Not that it's that bad a thing, really. I've been meaning to write about this for quite some time now.
I've noticed that gradually, over time, my blog entries are beginning to lose it's substance.
I do apologise. In all honesty, I am appalled by my blog. I find no satisfaction in blogging anymore.
I find myself holding back more and more. Afraid of what people may think. Should I have any adventures and wrote about them, what do people think of me then? I don't want people thinking I'm reckless. But wait. Maybe I do. I'm confused.
I do not like having to hold back these thoughts, these feelings, these experiences. I want to be as brutally honest as I possibly can without having to hurt anyone. But most of all, I want to share.
I want people to feel what I felt. But due to my lack of skills in the language department, I can't do that. I remember blogging about why I blog and now I feel like a hypocrite.
Why.
All those things I said about writing about experiences, about things I go through, about being honest.. about not holding back.. Well, guess what I am doing now? Am I maybe too afraid of what people would think? Is it because a lot more people read my blog now as compared to before? Have people succeeded in making me believe that maybe my entries are too personal for public viewing?
(Damn, I sound like one of those effing tv show narators at the end of a show. Eg. Batman)
Another reason could be that I'm afraid of grossing everyone out with my mushiness.. scaring everyone with my depression.. angering certain someones with my outbursts.. and all that jazz. Think you can handle it? I also know that sometimes.. it can be a tad bit overbearing, if a person keeps on going on about one thing for such a very long time. Let's say I start only blogging about my relationship with Mark. I'm sure all of you are gonna get all so sick and tired and would probably throw up on me the next time you see me walking down the street.
Which brings me to another thing. I know I'm long winded. It takes me awhile to get to the point at times. That's why some of my previous entries were so long as compared to my more recent entries where I only type a few sentences and end the entry.
You know, I'm pissing myself off because my blog is starting to contain more useless entries with pictures which are pretty useless as well (such as this one right here) and less thought provoking entries or sometimes just entries which makes you feel good.
So the question now is, what do I do from here now on?
I've noticed that gradually, over time, my blog entries are beginning to lose it's substance.
I do apologise. In all honesty, I am appalled by my blog. I find no satisfaction in blogging anymore.
I find myself holding back more and more. Afraid of what people may think. Should I have any adventures and wrote about them, what do people think of me then? I don't want people thinking I'm reckless. But wait. Maybe I do. I'm confused.
I do not like having to hold back these thoughts, these feelings, these experiences. I want to be as brutally honest as I possibly can without having to hurt anyone. But most of all, I want to share.
I want people to feel what I felt. But due to my lack of skills in the language department, I can't do that. I remember blogging about why I blog and now I feel like a hypocrite.
Why.
All those things I said about writing about experiences, about things I go through, about being honest.. about not holding back.. Well, guess what I am doing now? Am I maybe too afraid of what people would think? Is it because a lot more people read my blog now as compared to before? Have people succeeded in making me believe that maybe my entries are too personal for public viewing?
(Damn, I sound like one of those effing tv show narators at the end of a show. Eg. Batman)
Another reason could be that I'm afraid of grossing everyone out with my mushiness.. scaring everyone with my depression.. angering certain someones with my outbursts.. and all that jazz. Think you can handle it? I also know that sometimes.. it can be a tad bit overbearing, if a person keeps on going on about one thing for such a very long time. Let's say I start only blogging about my relationship with Mark. I'm sure all of you are gonna get all so sick and tired and would probably throw up on me the next time you see me walking down the street.
Which brings me to another thing. I know I'm long winded. It takes me awhile to get to the point at times. That's why some of my previous entries were so long as compared to my more recent entries where I only type a few sentences and end the entry.
You know, I'm pissing myself off because my blog is starting to contain more useless entries with pictures which are pretty useless as well (such as this one right here) and less thought provoking entries or sometimes just entries which makes you feel good.
So the question now is, what do I do from here now on?
posted by Kim at 11:04 PM
9 Comments:
is it because ure insecure in any way?
or is it because u think that it is pointless to write and tell ppl abt ur life anymore?
or is it because u think that u do not get enough attention from ppl ard u (in a good way of course)?
that ure holding back more from entry to entry....
i think i did mention being insecure. about what people think or whatever.
but the thing is.. before, i never used to write entries just for people to read. i wrote them for me. i don't know why i changed that way..
as for the attention thing... i really don't know. but i don't think that is it. bleh.
going going gone. maybe i should stop blogging.
Babes, write what u want, bottom line is, its YOUR blog, no one elses.
If i worried what people thought about what i wrote, id keep my journal unuploaded
jaded: true. i know what you're saying. maybe i just lost sight along the way.
jawing: well, you forced me to. :P i promise i'll change. =)
ps. you sound so much like a girlfriend when you went "that's SO not true..." hehe.
Mmm... your essay makes me to think about it.
I can't say what you must or mustn't do, 'cause I'm a "foreigner", hehe, but if your blob would make me feel bored while I was reading it, I'm sure that I wouldn't have come back to see it. But I'm writting that, so...
Besides, if people get bored reading your essays, do you really think that they want to waste teir time publicating a commet if the essay makes them bored?
Well, that's only my oppinion. The oppinion of one of somewhere in Spain, hehe. :D
for me, i write entries for me to read. to pour out my inner feelings whenever im lost and whenever i have no1 else to turn to. i used to scribble n doodle them down in pieces of papers/scrapbooks...but now that im constantly in front of the pc, i thought i might as well do the scribblings online.
just blog down wtv that's on ur mind, be it childish, mature, happy, sad, silly, jz wtv u wana blog abt. it's ur own blog afterall, u hv full control of it.
u mentioned that ur purpose of blogging is to share. that means that ure part blogging for urself, part blogging for readers. if u sed that u blog for urself, then jz put down all/wtv u wana put down. the only thing is that ure putting them in a blog (online), thus ur entries are exposed for everyone else to see. but even so, it's ur very own choice to want to blog. there's no need to hold back. if u wanna hold back, it's better if u keep ur posts private. =) jz lyk what izzah said.
*off topic*
my longest comment for u so far. whoa. O_O
kore: thanks, kore. you've got a point. but i'm not concerned about if people read my blog or not. but i'm thankful that people do. AND that they leave comments. all of which are always positive and encouraging. i'm lucky. so you're saying that my old entries don't bore you? :P
willow: hmmmm...... you know, i really do want to go back to before where i don't have to think about if people would like reading my entries or not. yes, i'll go back. or try to, at least. =) thanks for the longest comment by you so far. hahahaha. sorry for the incredibly short reply in return though. :-/
This is the fear most blogger has: Judgements. Substance or not marie, your blog is really fun to read. I wouldn't come back for more if I didn't like it. I happen to be really choosy, btw ;P
It doesn't matter really if you didn't write personal things, you do write it once in a while right? Balance maa. Aiya, don't worry la. Continue doing your thing, people love it. Trust me.
Btw, najat_who@hotmail.com. Later :)
em: nah i dnt bother abt the length of the reply. jz felt like putting some of my thoughts into this entry of urs =)
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