the broken road

Rascal Flatts - Bless The Broken Road


Artist: Rascal Flatts
Title: Bless The Broken Road
Album: Feels Like Today
Year: 2004

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I’m just rollin’ home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

Download the song.

the cliff

Today, Wani, Jimmy, Azie, Helmy, Aaron, Mark, and I all went to the cliff. All of us except Wani have never been there before this. Left my house at 4pm to go pick Mark up from his place. Halfway there, I realised that I had forgotten my driving license. Opps. So I had to let Marky drive. Hahaha. Sian dier....


My slave driver. Opps, I meant my driving slave. Hiak hiak hiak.

Aaron was sitting in the back with his guitar.



Wani drove super fast so that we could get to the place a.s.a.p. *shakes head* Oh yes, Jimmy, Helmy, Azie, and Wani were all in one car. Wani's car if you gotta know. While Mark, Aaron, and I were all in another car. Mine, if you gotta know again. Drove at almost 140 km/h. Tsk tsk. Hahaha. Not all the way though. There's still trafic to consider. Anyways, we reached the place in about 20 minutes after meeting up with them at Esplanade.


Here's Jimmy singing praises that we made it to the cliff alive.


Wani brought one of her ducks along to the cliff cos it told her that it wanted to see the place as well. I guessed it was just jealous that Wani's been to that place several times already without bringing it along. But if the duck said it just wanted to see the cliff then so be it. (That duck is in denial)


So this is it.

Sorry if it turns out to be like an anticlimax. Haha. I just wish I had a better camera so that I can show you guys what the place actually looks like. Anyways, yes, the cliff was overlooking the ocean and there was a cool breeze blowing. Cool. =)


Wani's duck was happy to be out.


This is what it looked like looking down.

Then everyone started breaking up into couples. Adeh.



But then again, so did I. Teehee.


Sunnies Ad take #1


Sunnies Ad take #2

Just pity my brother. All he had to layan was the acoustic guitar. :P

Mark and I found a way down to the beach! When we got there, everyone was just looking around and wondering if there was a way to get down. Alas. No such luck. It was 5.45pm when Mark and I went down there by ourselves just to see if we could actually get down there. Cos Mark found this little gravel road that lead downhill and we followed it on foot. And yups, we found a way to get down! Unfortunately, it was quite late, and the tide was coming in so we did not dare to venture much further on the beach. Plus, the sand at that place was quicksand. Yups, seriously. Was wondering if I would ever come across quicksand in my life!



On our way back to the hill after turning back from the beach, my slipper broke. *cry* So then Mark gave me his slippers to wear whilst he walked back uphill barefooted. I'm... quite amazed actually.. that he actually did that. *shakes head* The place was seriously rocky. Filled with sharp stones and stuff. At the top of the hill, I gave him back his slippers. Pity him. Then after that he had to just carry me around the place just to get around. Hahaha. Damn embarassing. Cos my friends just had to see me like that. *blush*



Mark, Aaron, and I stuck around long enough too see the sun starting to set. Whilst the others stayed back awhile more. That was because I had already promised my mom that I would get back by 6pm. Hahahaha. You should have guessed by now that that did not happen.



Cyuh peeps.

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Edited: 27th November 2005.

Wait! One more pic. Teehee.


The lost superheroes/supermodels.

Alright, cyuh!! ;)

horny parents

Oh man. Just had to blog about this. My friend, Wani, was telling me about what her cousin had just told her. You see, her cousin is staying over at her place cos they're currently visiting her. So, last night or probably sometime during early morning, her cousin went to visit the loo. And on her way there, she heard sounds coming from my friend's parent's bedroom. And she was telling Wani that she heard her aunt (Wani's mom) moaning.

I was like "Ewwwwwwww!!! Why did you have to tell me something like this??! I'll never be able to look at your mom the same way again!" So she's telling me that she just had to let it out cos her cousin also told her cos she had to let it out. Hahaha. She also reacted the same way I did when her cousin told her about it. And then I had to let it out. So here I am, blogging about it.

Gosh.

Hey, isn't it weird that.. Hell. We all know that our parents are married to each other. We all know where we came from or how we were made. At least, I'm assuming you all don't still buy the stork delivering the baby to a person's doorstep story. But! We just can't imagine our parents being all dirty/horny. Not that we should! Cos imagining our parents like that is just wrong!!! But well, yeah..

Anyways, just a rant. Tata.

PS. Have any of you guys ever experienced something similiar or worse? Just curious.

this is a plea for help

Urgh. Sitting in maths class now and I'm bored and starving. Note the keyword, starving. It has been bolded to mark it's importance. *tummy growling*

Random thought:
Pooping is disgusting and it is really such a hassle. Hence, from this day forth, everyone should just stop doing it.

Hungry hungry hungry.. =(

the last conversation

Well... this is the last conversation Rafie and I may ever have. I still remember that we promised each other to never ever say the goodbye unless it was forever. I remember how we never said it and it was treated almost like a curse word. Instead we would always say later. Cos it would mean that we will see each other again. It was those little things that made our relationship so much more sweeter. But tonight, we did.. it maybe for the best.. I don't know.. I guess we'll see.. Sigh.. I really wish it didn't have to turn out this way.. but he won't have it any other way.. Why am I posting this here? Just so that he would be able to get his say, finally. Personally, on my blog.


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This part of the entry has been removed because apparantly, somehow, my blog which started out as a little space for me on the web for me to record my memories, is starting to get a little bit too controversial for people to handle. it was wrong for me to do so and I sincerely apologise.


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Yes, I do still care a lot about him.. I will pray for him. Cos he would always be special to me. What we've been through is too much to be considered nothing. Sigh.. honestly.. I feel like I've just lost my best friend.. but it was his choice to distance himself in the way that he has.. and I'll respect that.. as much as I could. He taught me a lot of things.. one of the little things he taught me to do was just to hold hands.. I was never the kinda person to do that before.. Heh.. I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to let go on my own now..

when the day is blue, i'll sit here wondering about you

Eisley - I Wasn't Prepared



Artist: Eisley
Title: I Wasn't Prepared
Album: Room Noises
Year: 2005

Oh, when the day is blue
I'll sit here wondering about you
And how the pollen fell all around your face
In strange yellow patterns, but

I wasn't prepared for this, I...
I wasn't prepared for this, I...

When the morning came,
the bees flew down and wrapped themselves around me
and that's when I spoke the word to
have them trace your face for me in pollen. But...

I wasn't prepared for this, I...
I wasn't prepared for this, I...

Come, come back to me my, my darling
Come, come back to me my, my darling

I wasn't prepared for this, I...
I wasn't prepared for this, I...

When the day is blue
I'll sit here wondering about you...

Download the song.

should we do as they say?

"Please flash after use! Thank you!"

break time

Got this off minishorts.net

chasing rainbows says:
September 3rd, 2005 at 12:35 am

worst thing he’s ever done to me:

Started a relationship with me (my first) just before i went abroad to study (it was my dream Uni, and i fought very hard to get into it), utilised me FULLY when he came to visit me a month before a very very important final exam, stuck around when i was having my exams, went back and dumped me immediately after that (before my results were out, and a week before my b’day).

I was devastated. No only because i lost him, but also turned out i FAILED my exam and i had to REPEAT A WHOLE DARN YEAR because of the shit he created. i almost killed myself. twice.

I was eventually diagnosed to be clinically depressed and i have to depend on medications and therapists to keep me sane.

Now i fear of stepping into the class with my juniors. I’m wasting my youth, my money (like £25K per year on fees alone). My parents weep for me every now and then because i was always on the top.

Now i’m just a bunch of mess.

It's one of the comments she got on this post.

And how I relate to it. Not totally. Just some parts of it. Since there is no hate for me. There is no spite. And there probably isn't anyone to blame but myself.

I don't know who I can talk to about what I feel or what I'm facing at the moment. And it's all because I don't want to be a bother to anyone. That's why I blog.

I fear I'm trapped in depression. Don't think I'm depressed because I want to be. I don't. Who would?

I need purpose. To why I'm doing what I'm doing. Why am I doing engineering. Not for myself. Why would I be doing engineering for myself? To subject myself to such torture. To something I have no interest in? For my parents? Maybe. But that does not provide much motivation.

God? I would think that God would want His children to be happy. He gave us the freedom to be whoever we want to be, just as long as we're not overdoing it. I'm not cut out for engineering. And He knows it.

But then again, He wants us to obey our parents. And my parents say, do engineering. So yeah. But that again, that isn't motivation enough.

Sigh. I'm doing something I'm most likely gonna regret. In fact, I'm starting to regret it already.

I love my parents, despite how much I bitch or say bad things about them. I still want to make them proud. But isn't there some other way I can do it? Without them looking down on me if I chose not to be an engineer?

In need of a good cry.. a good cry meaning to have someone there with me to hold me close without having to say a word and letting me let it all out.. Yeah, I'm a sucker for romance. So sue me.

I'm so tired. Physically and mentally. Tired of everything. I need a break from life, if that's possible..

Meh.

it's one way or the other

Kill self or turn back time?

- the Killing Tree

P.S. I want that t-shirt.

hello again my not-so-good friend

Feeling rather suicidal.

Wondering how long before I finally have the courage to actually do something about it.

Too many regrets, and I'm too proud to correct them.

Been walking around with a dull ache in my heart.

Heart
A muscular organ that pumps blood to all parts of the body. The rhythmic beating of the heart is a ceaseless activity, lasting from before birth to the end of life.

One day you may call my name, but I won't answer.

When would that day come?

i'm sorry

Sigh.

So, I called Rafie a week ago. I just had to be straight with him. I kept thinking of how I should tell him that I was seeing someone else now. I don't like lying to him..

Let's just say that nothing I planned to say that night went according to plan. For one, the conversation was supposed to be short. He wasn't supposed to overreact. I wasn't supposed to cry.

I despise having to hurt another person.. it hurts me having to hurt others.. that's why my heart aches, that's why I cry.

After I told him that I was seeing someone else now, it all came pouring out from his side. The reasons why he hasn't been able to contact me as much as he used to.. why he hasn't had any credit on his hp for what felt like ages..

How he only wanted me happy, and that's why he let me go out, join CV!, meet new people.. there was regret, anger, betrayal in his voice. Why hasn't he had credit? He's been saving up.. for a plane ticket over to see me..

And he's bought it already.. along with a necklace, and a bracelet.. he said that he felt that when he came over, he would be able to make a proper apology for ever leaving me.. and that he realised how wrong he was to ever leave me. And all the stuff he bought was supposed to make up for it.

He screamed, he yelled.. what was he supposed to do with the ticket he's bought now? What about the necklace and the bracelet? What about all the money he's used up just to buy all that stuff for me?

Then he goes on calling me a gold digger. That I was only with him for his money. Cos when we were together, he would always help me reload my hp.. he bought me jewellry.. he bought me clothes.. he came over to see me twice.. and since we've been apart, all that stopped. And that I'm with this other guy cos he supposedly has more money.

That just hurt. To think that my sincere feelings for him were reduced to only that. It isn't true.. I sincerely and truly did love him, once before. I'm not that kinda person.. sigh.

When we were together, we had standards, never once did we name call, not even when we were furious, and fighting with each other. It was our silent agreement. We never stated a rule that said we would never name call. It was just a general understanding that we had between us. But for the first time, he did it. Calling me a gold digger.. that hurt like it's meant to, I suppose. Otherwise why would he do it in the first place, right?

I deserved it anyway. For I promised him that one day I would come back to him. Or actually, he promised that he would one day return to me, and I promised that I would wait for him. Then suddenly, Mark appeared.

Honestly, he was just supposed to be a crush. I thought that once I let my feelings out to him, I would be able to get over that crush. He was not supposed to say that he liked me too. But he did. So.. we decided to go out. I thought once we went out, and once I got to know him better, I would be over him. (He thought the same) But, that did not happen. So, yeah, that's why we're still together.

I still remember everything that happened while I was Rafie like it was only yesterday.. and it aches to remember them. It feels like all those memories are all just going down the drain. Except that they won't.

He's been calling every night since then. He's calmed down since then.. although he doesn't sound great.. I worry so much about him. I still care about him so much although he doesn't believe that I do cause of what I'm doing now. I don't blame him.

Some nights I wake up to tens of missed calls on my hp. Those are nights when I am so incredibly tired that I sleep through the calls. Sigh. I'm sorry, fie.

What's ironic here is that.. me, by being with Mark, I am breaking a promise to someone.. and Mark, by being with me, is also breaking a promise that he made to someone long ago. And both the people we made our promises to, are not around. Not in the same city. We're both hurting someone else who loves us by being with each other.

All the memories of the times spent with him are still with me. All the adventures we had. All the stuff we did. Everything he has ever given me are still with me. All the songs he's sent or sung to me. A lot of memories. Too much really write down now. Crazy in love, that's what we were. I don't regret them.

He doesn't deserve this hurt. I really should just die. Then I can't hurt anyone anymore.

Yes, I still care about him.. a lot. How could I not. After all we've been through.. all the sacrifices. Especially from him. I never realised it till now.. but he's been sacrificing for me ever since the first time we met. Ever since the first time we talked. And has been ever since then.. and is still.

I really don't know where I'm going with this post. But it's been awhile since I last posted something real, right? I know this post is just gonna sound really confusing (maybe) and shallow.. because I'm not able to tell everyone how much he's done for me. Cos it's that much. And I doubt I can make people understand what we used to have. I have to be very good with words to do something like that.. but sometimes it may seem that words don't even come close.

Feeling very hopeless. Sigh. I'll still pray for him. I'll try to make people understand, one day.

I'm sorry.

music is the universal language

This flash is just so damn cool. Ah, look at it! The details! The movement! Respect respect!



Creator: n201

Phwoar!

circumstance

I worry so much for someone.. it's causing me to lose my sleep..

I care for him so much more than he believes me to.

My heart aches to know that I'm causing him so much pain.

I hate having to hang up on him.

I cry seeing his caller ID on my phone and I force myself not to answer it.

I wonder how he's doing 24/7.

I shed tears for him everyday.

He's sacrificed so much for me.. I feel so much like scum.

He loves me, and maybe no one would ever love me as much as he does.

I loved him, but I shouldn't..

Maybe. If only circumstances were different.

Sigh..

amsterdam

Anberlin - (The Symphony Of) Blasé


Artist: Anberlin
Title: (The Symphony Of) Blasé
Album: Never Take Friendship Personal
Year: 2005

Are there no shadows where you are?
I can see everything as day
Problems that you try to hide away
Pushing me aside (You're pushing me aside)

Could the winter calm come twice?
Because your heart seems so cold tonight
Thirst for substance somehow isn't right
It's killing me inside (It's killing you inside)
Killing me inside

I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
If something isn't right
If something isn't right

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends

Are you so naive to right and wrong
How could you watch innocence forgone
Does what we've done ever really belong?
It wasted me away (I feel so wasted away)

God if you can hear me out alright
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It's wasting me away (You're wasting me away)
You're wasting me away

I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
If something isn't right
If something isn't right

This is our last (This is our last)

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our goodbye
This is where love ends

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends

Download the song.