the last conversation
Well... this is the last conversation Rafie and I may ever have. I still remember that we promised each other to never ever say the goodbye unless it was forever. I remember how we never said it and it was treated almost like a curse word. Instead we would always say later. Cos it would mean that we will see each other again. It was those little things that made our relationship so much more sweeter. But tonight, we did.. it maybe for the best.. I don't know.. I guess we'll see.. Sigh.. I really wish it didn't have to turn out this way.. but he won't have it any other way.. Why am I posting this here? Just so that he would be able to get his say, finally. Personally, on my blog.
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This part of the entry has been removed becauseapparantly, somehow, my blog which started out as a little space for me on the web for me to record my memories, is starting to get a little bit too controversial for people to handle. it was wrong for me to do so and I sincerely apologise.
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Yes, I do still care a lot about him.. I will pray for him. Cos he would always be special to me. What we've been through is too much to be considered nothing. Sigh.. honestly.. I feel like I've just lost my best friend.. but it was his choice to distance himself in the way that he has.. and I'll respect that.. as much as I could. He taught me a lot of things.. one of the little things he taught me to do was just to hold hands.. I was never the kinda person to do that before.. Heh.. I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to let go on my own now..
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This part of the entry has been removed because
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posted by Kim at 11:05 PM
18 Comments:
Omg... Hugs.
That's just mean of him to keep brushing away ur words. Keep saying that u don't and wouldn't understand. That's mean Rafie (if ur reading this)!.
P.S: Goblet of Fire is here! Yay! Something to be happy about. Erm, I'm not sure if ur into HP or not. I'm just saying it here. Hopefully it'll make u smile? =P
I noticed something that Rafie did that was really mean and contradictory of himself...
He kept being stubborn and insisting on you forgetting about him and all..
BUT THEN!!
"Rafie says:
and again, i cannot help but notice the lack of a willingness to even try and keep me around."
That was really not right..
Going on and on about wanting to stop and all that and shutting out Kim...
AND STILL SAY THIS!
Rafie, if you're reading this, I'm not trying to go against you.
I'm just telling you that what you did was just mean.
You were telling Kim on and on about forgetting you and be happy and 'no fight, no love' thing..
YET you mentioned about her not willing to work to 'keep' you.
The main reason why you 'cannot help but notice the lack of a willingness' is because throughout the conversation you've been shutting Kim out.
When she tried to 'fight' to keep you, at least as a friend (i don know), you then shot her back down.
Maybe I can understand why you decide to be like this.. to be so.. stubborn.
As you said, you still love Kim. I can tell from the conversation.
But then there's that somebody that has gotten too close to Kim, and it is hell hurting you inside.
In a way, you wanna avoid that pain by possibly 'pretend Kim never existed' (as she said and probably feared).
That's probably why you can't stand the thought of...
'Rafie says:
not with you off cavorting around with someone else.
whilst i stay here, glued to my computer screen, alone and unwanted.'
I feel I've been in such a predicament before, if not, at least, close.
It hurts... I know it hurts a helluva lot.
Kim,
It's good for you to (at least, try) respect Rafie's decision, despite such a bad way of saying goodbye to a really dear friend.
It may possibly be better if you leave him alone for a while.. and hope he'll recover somewhat from there.
It might be too hard for him to recover himself with you around and having himself reminded of all of this.
Unfortunately, you may need to be patient again, before you start to see the upside of things.
Thanks for supporting me guys.. but I didn't post this up to show how mean he is.. cos I know he's not. He's just angry, sad, depressed.. I guess. I've been through it too. So I don't blame him for the things he's saying now.
So please don't call him mean or whatever.. he doesn't need that. Not now.
Sure, it hurts to hear him say stuff like that. But I'm alright with it. I understand why he does it. I used to do it too, once upon a time.
And yes, I'm respecting his decision. It's just too bad it had to end this way..
*hugs ppl*
ps. I'm not so into HP movies. Books alright lah!
Sighh...
kim, move on.... move on........
Hi. This is Jill. I'm sorry for your loss. I've read your blog entries before this, and I could see in your words that you did love him and cared about him a lot. I just hope you can both recover to be better people. And not be sad anymore. Be happy. That's the best I can say.
Hey, Jillian.
*Hugs Kim*
I know you didn't do that to show how mean he was.
but I just had to clear that up.
I can somewhat understand why he did what he did... somewhat.
oh! p.s. I never took his contact...
the only time I ever chatted or had any such contact with Rafie was in your blog's chatbox and that one time you, me, Az and Rafie chatted together.
Well, I guess I saw that one coming. I come out looking worse inevitably. Was that really your intention? Didn't knwo that private conversations were suddenly public knowledge. BUt alas, I have no say about it now.
'Mean? Contradictory'?
Kim really is the victim then. Not me.
Tiang : I don't knwo you well enough to say anything, but the mitigating circumstancesare are alot more complicated than what anyone can imagine. But again, think what you will.
She may have been a victim of your unfairness in that conversation.. but that's all..
I didn't mean she was the victim of the whole situation...
cause both of you I feel is getting the worse of the situation.
Don't always go and thinking of the worst for yourself.
Just cause you feel you're the only one who's suffering this... doesn't mean no one is or was.
Just to tell both of u that life is just too short to be thinking about this.. so just move on... someday you will think back and laugh about it. No big deal at all.
well...i dunno what else to say here...but im curious. is that pic a pic of u and rafie?
i like that pic. it says a lot hehe.
damn u "juz another person"... u're damn freaking rite... heh...
Hey, Kim. I hate to be the blogpolice but I wonder if you asked permission to post all this up? This seems pretty invasive to Rafie, and he reads your blog after all.
i'd have to agree with 'just another person'. He/she is right. life is too short.
You'll never know what you have till its gone. Fie's gone.You n fie = history. he wanted to end it that way, let him be.
gosh kim..ur hurting urself..seeing you being hurt like this, hurt me too.i bet, other readers too. im sure we all want you to be happy. so please, make yourself happy. just be happy ok. learn to let it go.
FUCK U The Hybrid!!! who's the hell u think u are huh!!..superhero? u better watch out ur stinky ass, I'll woop ur ass... FUCKER~
fuh...y u so angry...????
cool down man...
thanks for your comments guys. i'm gonna try.. just moving on now. i guess we'll just have to see where this road leads me.
and the one very angry anonymous fellow..... i dunno who u are, but calm down, alright? i know why u may say something like that. i totally understand. but i'm not at liberty to say more right now.
ps. to stef, nope. that's just a random pic i got off google search. lol.
to lionel, well, i thought from him saying that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore that he would stop reading my blog. but ok.. i know that doesn't make it right. so yeah, i removed the convo.
to the anonymous commenters, just wish i knew who u guys were. :P
What? I was just trying to get him to stop being so negative of himself.
to the angry annonymous,
Come ahead really...
I wouldn't mind it, really.
Wonder who's this fellow...
Must be someone I know of since my nick in this comment box is 'zack_tiang' and not 'The Hybrid'.
*Shrugs* Whatever, really...
To Kim,
Wish you all the best.
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