suprise

I've been working on something for myself.

Getting pretty proud of it.

I LOVE DESIGNING.

Hopefully, I'll be able to unveil it on time for all to see.

HEE!

I'm so dumb lah.

what a perfectionist is

HAHAHA! My blog is now a dump site.

That was a sarcastic laugh if you couldn't catch it, by the way.

Eventhough this blog is a place for whatever I want.. I feel so... disgusted by it.

It doesn't give me pleasure to be writing things out for the world to see anymore.

It gives me no satisfaction. I'm never satisfied by the things I churn out anymore.

Oh fucking hell. I've gotten boring.

Yup, that's the likeliest reason for all this. Likeliest, is there such a word? :-/

It's cos I've grown boring AND also because I've become very anti-social.

I've noticed that I've shyed away from so many people. I don't get to see a lot of people as much.

I haven't even ordered a single thing from the cafeteria this whole semester. Can't say that I haven't gone there. I have. But maybe just once. Or twice. But twice at most.

But I digress.

How does becoming anti-social affect anything? Well, for one, I have less to talk about.

I don't get inspired as often.

My grasp on the english language is loosening.

But just cos I've gone all anti-social on everyone doesn't mean that I meant to do it. It's just that whole depression thing.

Fact of the matter is, I've gone dull.

[insert sad, emo, depressed, yet content enough smiley here]

Such a sad life. I pity myself a lot.

when pictures and text don't match

I wonder how many girls would be able to survive in a relationship like mine.

Not many, I would say.

Not that I'm not happy. I am. It's just that sometimes, it's hard to believe he loves you when you're playing around all the time.

This may sound cruel.. but I once said, "Other girls my age would probably have dates, I have play dates."

At least I'm making up for when I was younger. I never got to have play dates back then.

But yes, it does get tiring after awhile. Sometimes you just want to sit and talk about anything, everything but he doesn't get it.

I don't know why. I wonder if maybe he's afraid? Does he not really love me? But... truth be told.. I've trusted him to tell the truth all this while.

All this eight months of being together. Haha.. It really was nice for once not to argue, not to fight. Maybe it's cos we've moving slow. Maybe that's why there's no more drama. We rarely fight. When I say rarely, I mean it.

I always thought that if you loved another person, you would constantly bicker, argue, and fight because you would care so much for that other person that even the slightest thing would bother you.

However, this time.. it's different. Sometimes it does make me doubt myself. Do I really love him? Maybe it's just an inflatuation. Like what I thought it was supposed to be.

But yeah, I do. I hope he does too.

I do care about him. I worry sometimes, but I trust him enough to take care of himself. Maybe I didn't really trust my old boyfriends when I thought I did. That's why I was always at my wits end.. very easily jealous.

This love thing is really hard to figure out. As simple as it seems.

How ironic is it that the song, Nothin' Bout Love Makes Sense by Leann Rimmes just came on?

documented dream #2

YEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Hello doesn't seem to want to work, and cos of that, I can't upload any of my own pictures!! WHY?!

Eh, wait... lemme try something first...

Okay.. it's not working. Probably cos of the connection lately. Grr.

I'm hyper tonight. Don't ask. I'm full of energy. With nothing to waste it on. I guess it kinda explains my longing for the great outdoors.

Ah.. such bliss as I daydreamed about going kayaking in the clear cool pebble filled rivers in Kuching.. hiking up Mount Kinabalu.. island hopping in Sabah and also snorkeling in the clear blue waters with the fishes.. or go 4WD driving in some totally muddy place, getting mud all over the car, as well as self when one has to go out to tie rope to trees or rocks to sometimes help the car out of some really sticky mud. Ahhhh.... that would be so nice. Or maybe going mountain biking? Yeah.. I haven't riden my bike in a long long while. That would've been fantastic.

I miss the outdoors.

I can hear some of you screaming as I said that. Muahahaha.



My Dream Last Night

It was seriously VERY weird. As always.

I started out in the middle of nowhere where there were only rolling hills around me. Guess where I was... Soon Hup Villa! Yeah, like, what the? Out of all the places.. Soon Hup Villa! And more so.. why?! That's really a picture of Soon Hup Villa right there.

Then I got a call on my cell from Nadia, Mimin's sister. Eh? Since when does she ever call me? And she's asking me to tell Derek that she can't make it to see him and she gave me his gaming nick so that I could find him more easily. While I was on the phone, I was thinking like, "How the heck does Nadia know Derek??" Jealous. Lol!

So I went up this dirt path that was up a small hill and I saw people walking up and down that hill dressed like characters from Unreal Tournament. Ah.. that explains the gaming nick. But how am I supposed to find him when they're all covered up in their armour. Oh yes.. the gaming nick!

So in my dream, I thought of pressing on my Enter key which then opened up a message box, and shouted for Derek.

---------------
SHOUT: *derek's_nickname* !! Where are you??!
---------------

Then I see Derek exiting through a portal that's located atop the hill. Then he comes down and greets me, "Kim! What are you doing here??" Then I explain that Nadia can't make it to see him and he's all like, "It's ok. I know." Leaving me wondering what kinda relationship these two are having. Hmmmm.

In real life, I doubt they even know each other.. so yeah, in my dream, (since I can't tell the difference from my dreams and reality) I'm mighty confused. We walked down to the bottom of the hill where we met up with Mimin.

Now we're all at an outdoor public pool. Derek, Mimin, and me. And we're all standing under one of those diving platforms under the shade, taking pictures of ourselves. Yeah... we still got enough time to camwhore in my dream. Haha.

Then I'm in a school. Not like one of the schools here where when we exit our classrooms we're all outside, under the sun, if there was no walkway provided. But I'm in one of those american high schools, with hallways and stairs and several floors. I'm in some girl's dorm room. I think she's my friend. This school is pretty dim.. it's a bit scary. My "friend" gets up and walks out of her room into the hallway. I follow her. She then enters another room. The room in which we entered looks big. It had a dirty yellow carpet on the floor. My friend goes to sit down on one of the chairs. The place looked like a waiting area.


After awhile, my friend gets called up. I watched her walk by me and I realised that this place was a massage sorta place. A massage place right here in the school's dormitory?? I noticed that the other girls in this room had children with them.. babies. And that they were the ones massaging the people that came in to see them. They were one of those girls that probably got pregnant as a teenager, so they put them in here, so that the school's name would not be ruined. And then after they've given birth, they continue to stay here working as massage ladies.

Oh, what an awful life. This school is evil! They don't even let these girls out that very door we entered to get in here. Tsk tsk.. Btw, I sat down on the carpet and was playing with one of their babies when it pee'ed on me. Ew.

Now I'm at some hotel with my family. We're all staying in a room together. I suppose we're on holiday here. But I'm alone on a balcony which is accessible to the public. So I was there looking out onto the sea when suddenly Jimmy (the one in a hat in the picture), one of the characters from Yes, Dear comes barging out from the balcony door all in a panic, I turn about around to look at the sea and I see humongous waves coming in to the shore.

A tsunami? "Jimmy" was holding onto the door handle tight and I quickly hung onto him or sorta piggybacked him. Haha. The wave swept into the balcony and for a few seconds we were underwater, when the wave went back out again, I climbed over him and this time, I was the one holding on to the door handle with Jimmy hanging on to my waist, as the water swept over us again. When the wave was swept out, I opened the door, ran into the carpeted hallway to Jimmy's room.

Why his room? Cos he works in that hotel. And cos he works in that hotel, he gets to have watertight doors to his room. Like one of those doors you find on a submarine. So we dash in and he tells me that we could stay there whilst the tsunami is still going on. It's safe in his room cos even the windows he had were many inches thick.

I could see that his place was not very well kept. He tells me it's cos his wife is off with the kids visiting the grandmother. How long have they been gone? Only since this morning. Dude.

My family piles through the door after a few minutes together with Jimmy's wife and kids. So we spent pretty much a day or two together with them. It was ok. The place was pretty big. With bedrooms and bathrooms and a kitchen and a dining room and a living room and a tv room. Not bad...

-End of Dream-

smiles

Were they ever real?

jump frog

Blogging cos I don't wanna see Stef's face right there when I load up my blog anymore. Hahahahahahaa.

I'm bad at drawing. Anyways.



Hehehe. That's cos I'm having a slight headache at the moment. Also cos a picture of me is better than one of Stef's anyday. Lol. Kidding.

This is really bad. I've never had writer's block that has ever lasted this long before.

I think I'm at a point in my life where there is no drama. There is nothing to rant, rave, or bitch about. No thoughts worth mentioning. Honestly, it feels... really odd.

I still remember my cousin saying to me once, "Your life is so interesting lah."

And my friend exclaiming to me, "Why ah your life so full of drama wan??"

That was years ago. And now things have settled down. No dramas. No fighting. No wars. No juicy gossips. No adventures. No lies. Sounds really boring, doesn't it?

But certainly that's all I've been wanting all those previous years, no? No dramas. That's all I ever asked for. A break from everything. But right now I still feel as broken down as ever.

I think I'm most alive when I'm doing something that I'm not supposed to. Isn't everyone anyway?

Maybe that's why I'm suddenly acting as if I've overdosed on itchy fingers. You know, where you just HAVE to touch or meddle around with something? Either that, or I'm starting to develop a tendency to be slightly OCDic. Hehehe. You pronouce OCDic like Oh-See-Dick. Got that? Good.

My brother and I were at a computer store in Boulevard earlier today where I managed to *ahem* crash one of their computers. Ahahahahaa!

I don't think anyone noticed though. I still had enough time to mess around with another one of their computers after that. Lol!!

L.O.L.
Which stands for Laughing Out Loud. There used to be a time when I was so completely annoyed by that abbreviation and now I'm using it like it's no big deal. I don't even notice that I type it sometimes.

I used to go, "Why can't these people just type out HAHAHA instead of LOLing away? Can anyone be so lazy?"

Answer is Yes, of course. I'm one of the laziest people I know. If not laziest. Honestly. But it's not a good habit.. very very bad habit, in fact. I think someone taught me to go, "Ah, malas lah!" once before which made it seem like it's OK to act this way.

I disgust myself.

OK, confirm got ADD too!!

a long winded dream topped with a raccoon

There's really no running from the bad dreams that come to haunt me every night.

My dreams always seem so real that what if whatever that guy said was true? I don't remember who was the one who said that maybe our dreams is really the real world. Some philosopher dude, I guess. That maybe the real world is not the one we're living here. It's the one we live in our dreams.

But then again, that can't be true. Cos if the real world is our dream world, why is it that it's so random and so different and it seems like you're never in the same place in every dream?

Maybe then, the real world in which we live in only exists so that we don't start going crazy from our dreams. This is like, a little break time.

What was my dream last night? I dreamt I was in an auditorium, on a stage which was made of wood, red drapes, red curtains, I'm standing in the middle of he stage, the spotlight is on me. I can't see anything else because of the light shining into my eyes. Suddenly, I'm watching myself from off the stage. I'm trying to peer out by shading the lights with my hand. Then this strange light shines down on me and I just vanished.

I was thrown into this really odd land where I was left in a field. Everything is oh-so-green. Along the sides of the field I could see a forest. I tried walking towards it, but it seems as though as much as I walk or run, I don't seem to be getting anywhere, yet I know that I've made one round around this world already.

Then all of a sudden, I see a gravel path in front of me, and when I turn around, there was this glass, 80's styled building. I'm inside the building looking out onto the gravel path when this golf cart usually used to bring tourists around in groups pulled up. On it was Azie, Azie's mom, and Azie's aunt who were all the tour guides. I could tell from what they were wearing.

Not the usual tourist clothes but totally glammed outfits of velvet, spaghetti straps, heels, etc. I watched as they came into the glass house where the tourists started looking around and I'm trying to get Azie's attention. She was fussing around with a shawl and cursing the management for making her wear what she was wearing.

Then everyone vanished. I'm left alone again in the glass house where I spotted a box that is usually used for storing cake on one of the tables there. I knew that it belonged to Azie but since they all left, I thought it would be ok if I ate whatever was inside. I walked over to where it was, picked the box up, and opened it. What I saw inside where three worm-like looking things which were covered with frosting. But they were pastry.

So, I ate them!

Then suddenly the dream changed and I'm at someone's wedding. I had a camera in my hands. I was in this glass building, probably on the second floor, and I was looking out at another glass building across the street. I see this bride and groom coming out with the groom carrying the bride in his arms. I bring up my camera to take a video of them but looking through the LCD screen of my camera, I see clouds instead, like I'm in a plane looking out.

Huh??? Clouds?! was what ran through my mind. I put down my camera and looked out, and yeps, I felt like I'm in a plane that's up in the air, looking out. Only that the window is not that tiny small oval thing you usually get in planes but it's that huge glass paned windows you get on buildings. But guess what, I am still in that glass paned building.

I look up to the sky and I see two figures that seem to be falling, and quick. One figure was clad in white and the other in black. That's when I realised that those two were the bride and groom! What are they doing skydiving?! But it was so cool. I started video'ing their fall. Heh.. doesn't sound like a good sign for their marriage, does it? :P

Not only were they skydiving, they were both also doing those skydiving stunts? I don't know what to call them. So cool!! And the view from the building seems to be falling at the same rate as their fall so I could video them throughout their whole flight. Suddenly we're back to the proper level we were at before, and now looking out through the window, I could see the eiffel tower right in front of the building!

I was afraid that the bride/groom might fall on it, but it's a good thing they didn't. I video'ed them from down below and they were still doing their stunts. Turning this way and that. They must be the coolest couple ever. They landed. They were now in the same building I was in, I see them coming up the stairs and then heading into the ballroom where the wedding dinner was to be held.

Oh! When they came up the stairs, well, you know how brides usually have the long train? This couple, well, they both had trains which were of the same length. The groom's train came from his coat. The way that they both had trains which were of the same length kinda signified, to me anyway, that they were both equal in their relationship and that they had the utmost respect for one another.

Wah. My dreams are so philosophical too. Teehee.

I turned around to go to the bathroom and the sitting on the carpeted floor was Ian who said I needed a ticket to use the bathroom which he was selling, of course. I decided then not to go to the bathroom. Hahaha. Not that I was a cheapskate, but cos I didn't feel like it anymore.

-End of Dream-

PS. I woke up with a need to use the toilet. I think it's those "worms" I ate from Azie's cake box. Damn.

Heh heh.. yes, I coloured another. I used the word coloured cos this was the first one I actually drew.