updates

I guess I owe this to everyone. An explaination as to why I completely disappeared off the blogging scene for a month. Or more than that actually. This is what's been happening...

• Rafie and I broke up. Yups.... I think it was 5 days before our 7 month anniversary. We got together on August 30th. You do the math. :P What's funny is that.. when ppl hear that we've broken up.. they assume that I was the one who dumped him. When I tell them otherwise, everyone's like "Oh...." Haha. Numero uno reason as to why I haven't been blogging much lately. As well as to why I started skipping classes and stopped doing my schoolwork. I'm doing better now. Definitely. And it's all thanks to people I call my friends. =) I guess this may be the worst breakup I've ever been through? :P Just because I got so depressed that I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat.. I mean, I would eat.. but everything I ate, I threw up. Yeah. I wouldn't talk to anyone.. all my smiles felt so fake. My laughter, empty.
  
  
• He's with someone else now. I have nothing against either of them. I hold no grudges whatsoever. Haha. Although I know I've been mean and dead nasty to Rafie whenever he tries to talk to me. Not ALL the time though. But it's only cos I can't take seeing him happy and knowing that it's no longer cos of me.
  
  
• He called me last night.. or this morning, actually. At like, 6am. We both sorta still talk. Although I've been.. avoiding him. In a way. He called to ask why I haven't been talking to him.. why I've been avoiding him.. and that he still wishes to hear from me.. that he wishes we still talked.. cos he still cares. But I don't know.. I told him.. it's cos I didn't want to cry anymore.. that's why I shouldn't.. I can't go looking for him the way I used to. I can't be dependent on him anymore. Not that I can't actually.. just that I shouldn't..
  
  
• My math lecturer is gonna kill me. I haven't passed up any of the work she gives us ever since the day Rafie and I broke up. Haha!! What to do... after that day... seriously no mood for anything. Sure, I always looked for distractions for myself. But they never worked. But now, I'm trying my best to catch up and finish up everything. =)

I guess that's all that's been happening? Haha. Well, that's just the major thing anyway. It should explain my disappearance? And don't ask me WHY we broke up. Cos I have no idea. And I do not want to talk about it any longer. I don't want to think about it. I don't wanna talk about it. I need to get past this. I will get through this.. I will enjoy my time being single again. ;) Hahaha. I will flirt with boys. I will make them fall for me. I will break more hearts. Hahaha. I'm just kidding. I have no idea how to flirt. Boys rarely fall for me. And I do not want to break anyone's heart for I know how painful that is. I pray that no one would have to go through what I've been through. Which is kinda.. a lost prayer.

... I think I still love him.