no reason for this really except boredom and the desire to dance

Download song

messed up much?

I decided to retake some stupid personality disorder test. Just to see how messed up I may be compared to before, you know? My results were:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High

As compared to my first results:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High

Wahey, waddya know. I got better. ;) Sorta. Just gotta do something about my avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive behavior.


-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
-- Personality Disorders --

kl trip - part 1

Update update... Someone's been asking me to update but I don't know what of. I have a million and zero things to say all at the same time. So, was just sitting in the car just now, thinking thinking thinking, what to do? Well, here you go. My KL vacation photos! Hahahahahahahahaha.
(You can click on the pictures to enlarge them)

Remember the time I went to Singapore and visited Orchard Road? Well, after my stay in Sinagpore, my cousins and I hopped on a train and travelled up to Seremban. We arrived in Seremban around noon. That's us, waiting by the side of the road, for our uncle and my dad to pick us up. Yes, it was so damn hot!



This is my aunt Janet. We'd be taking over her home while we're there. Muahaha.
Btw, her home was so decorated with Christmas things, Santas, and all that, it was like, "Wow, Janet Ee.. gila ka you?" when we entered her home.



Presenting to you, my newest cousin, Amberleigh! This was also my first time meeting her. Oh gush... she's so adorable! And so light!! Carry carry, snuggle snuggle. She came up from Singapore together with her mom, dad, my other aunt, and my mom, who all didn't want to take the train and made us ride the train instead cos we couldn't all fit into one car. Meanies! But at least we got to ride first class. Hehehe.



I should mention that Amberleigh looks like she's worried all the time. Wow.. so young and already so stressed out. This was just me messing around with her. Mimicking her moves. Hehe.



On our first day there, we all played softball in my aunt's backyard. Such fun.



Amber's first bath there was outdoors. Haha.. she might want to kill me later for posting this up online but that won't be for a couple for years. ;)



This is my brother's gila-crazy-siaw-ass-you're-on-your-own-here tea party.



Siaw, kan? And this is my cousin Greg. Might as well introduce y'all to the family, right? Haha. Don't worry, that's not all the family I have. Although.. (insert fat jokes here). Heh heh.



Dinner on the first night. We had roast lamb, roast ham, potatoes, some special soup, baked beans. Mmmmm... *starts dreaming about food*



Since we were all staying at Seremban, not KL, we all had to drive up there if we wanted to go there. Well, duh. We had to take two cars (both full) just to get there. This is me, camwhoring. Hehee. See how fat my face got over the holidays?? Anyways, we were all on our way to 1-Utama, the largest shopping mall in Malaysia.



When we arrived there, we all had breakfast at some of the cafes there. Some of us opted for spicy food (laksa) for breakfast whilst the rest of us ate at some nyonya styled cafe. After that, we all split up to explore the place ourselves. We all had fun.. messing around.. taking loads of random pictures like...



We also just hung about exploring as many stores as possible..



Where we ended up wasting a lot of the salepeople's time..



We even became models.



Then we spotted this rather intriguing sign..



And that's about most of the pictures we took before I fell sick. Yups, I got food poisoning! Most likely from the breakfast. Cos I know I didn't enjoy my breakfast, the place where we went to sucked. The food wasn't any good, but I have this habit of finishing my food cos I don't like wasting food, so yeah.. I ate everything I ordered.

Wow.. should've seen me. I was ducking into every single bathroom in the place, throwing up everything I've ever eaten. It's a good thing we didn't have to pay an entry fee for the bathrooms.. There was once though, where I didn't quite make it to a bathroom.. since the place was so huge.. that I ended up puking into a garbage can near a couple of escalators. I could hear the people going by me saying, "Oh, ew." and things of the sort.

No, I couldn't even care less about them. I was in pain, remember? I also didn't want to tell the adults.. cos I didn't want to ruin everybody else's day.. plus, it was only about half an hour or an hour till the time we're all supposed to meet up.. Okay okay.. I know I should've just called them up.. but I wasn't thinking straight. I was in too much pain.

As we were all getting into the cars in the parking lot, my mom leaned over to me and whispered, "It's not something you did with a guy, is it?" cos it wasn't comfirmed yet that I had food poisoning.. but it couldn't be more obvious.. I mean, I practically puked up the whole of Manhattan.. but of course, she didn't know that, cos she hasn't been with me. It took a lot out of me to answer her.. it went something like this.. *groan* "..... no." *groan*

After that, we all headed back home, to Seremban. Halfway along the way though, my aunt decided that I should go to a hospital instead cos I was being really sick in the car. Walking was such a huge burden, walking into the hospital was torture. I collapsed into the waiting room benches where I was immediately ushered into the emergency room.

The doctor I got was seriously weird. She kept fidgeting. I wonder now if she had fleas or something. She kept pushing up her glasses, adjusting her skirt, flipping her hair, making sure that her shirt was dust free or something... even whilst on the hospital bed, I only just stared at her. Anyways, she told me I got food poisoning. Obviously. I hate pills. I like needles. You do the math. ;) I opted to get an injection instead of pills. Hahaha. They asked me if I wanted it inserted through my hand or through my butt. They said that it would hurt less through the butt but it would be more effective through the hand. I fear not that thing you call pain! Geez, I was in enough pain already. It was bullshit about it hurting anyways. It didn't.

Too bad I was in too much pain to actually take pictures of me being sick/getting the jab/suffering. Cos it would've been cool. Hehe. Later that night, I stayed home whilst the rest of them went out to have dinner. Crabs. And I missed it! Grrrr. By the next morning, I was well enough to be walking around. I love needles~ Hehehehe. So effective. But I still wasn't able to eat properly. I totally lost my appetite. Only had porridge.

At noon, we went to Jusco at Seremban 2.



Such a cute picture of my dad and my sister, don't you think? Hehehe. I was still weak and sluggish when I went out, so after choosing a couple of clothes to buy, my mom made me go sit down outside. =(



Another very cute and artistic pic of a father with his daughter.

Later that afternoon, we all got ready for a Christmas dinner party that my aunt was gonna have. I was still recovering so I didn't have to do much. Teehee.



My cousin was the chef for the night. Teehee. Oh yeah, my uncle Luke, who's my aunt Janet's husband, makes his own homemade beer. Just so you know.



And sadly, I couldn't eat all the food there.



But still happy to be attacked by zombies.



We took the opportunity to also celebrate Greg's be-earlied birthday.



The next morning, everyone got up and ready to go out for some Bak Kut Teh!! Before that, forgive my narcissism.



The BKT session, from left to right is Greg, Aunt Jenny, Aunt Janet, little sis, Andy, and Uncle Luke.



Oh yeah! That day was also Christmas Eve. So later in the evening we all got dressed up and ready to go over to KL for Christmas Mass as well as to pay a visit to Uncle Luke's family for Christmas Eve dinner.



Later that night, it was raining heavily, and at the church, I ran into Constance, my friend from back in secondary school! What a coincidence. Met her together with her whole family. They were all there on holiday too. Hehe. This picture was taken after mass. Such a sweet picture of mother and daughter.



After mass, we headed to Uncle Luke's mother's new house for Christmas eve dinner. Yay food!



We all got back home at about 2am on Christmas morning. Time to open up our presents!! I think this pic is a really sweet picture.. that one spot at the back there is lighted up by another camera which produces this really great effect, almost like a spotlight on it's subjects. =)



Well, we all stayed up and exhanged gifts, except for Amberleigh, of course, who was sound asleep upstairs. Poor baby. Oh well, she wouldn't have understood what was going on anyway. It was pretty obvious as soon as the sun came up and when she woke up that she didn't. Cos she ended up eating the wrapping paper instead. Hahaha. It's okay, she's forgiven. It's only her first Christmas. She'd get the hang of things soon enough.



Later for lunch, we had pork knuckles. Oh yummmmm!!! This time, I got pics!





That's it for now. This entry's gotten too long and it seems like I have to make this a 2 part thing. Stay tuned, folks!

only stupid

I feel the incredible need to blog but I'm at a loss as to what to say. How upsetting. I was so hoping to be able to write some long entry and to blow you all away with my incredibly assembled string of words. Ha ha ha. Who am I kidding.

Hello everyone! I just watched Girl, Interrupted. Finally. I've been wanting to watch that movie for years and I finally got to do it. Cos it just played on tv. Ha ha. Yay me! The other times didn't count cos I only got to watch little snippets of it at a time.

Yesterday, I was thinking.. (suprise!!) Anyways, I was thinking that maybe people who are able to commit suicide are actually the brave ones. But then I also thought that they're stupid. I mean, it does take a certain level of gut to actually commit oneself to dying, doesn't it? I mean, like, wow. But then again, if you're doing it for some completely stupid reason, then you're dumb. But then again, when is a reason not dumb? I know there are some people out there, who talk about suicide, who talk about doing it. I don't believe these people have good reasons to do it.

I know, they're depressed individuals. I know how they're feeling, I know I know I know. How much do I know? More than you think. Haha. Cos hello? I'm manic depressive. I know how easy it is to still pretend around friends and family about how life is normal. But sometimes.. I don't see why they should be (depressed).. I don't think your boyfriend or girlfriend is treating you that badly, right? He doesn't abuse you.. and just because he doesn't often act the same way he did when you both first met, doesn't mean that he doesn't still love you..

Your parents love you to bits. They get you everything you want.. you know it. They talk to you.. you talk to them.. your daddy gives you hugs.. your mom cooks for you.. they bring you with them when they travel.. You have so many friends! Oh, and how each and every single one of them adore you and wishes you the best..

Hypothetical, of course.

But see.. if you're suicidal.. just take a step back and look properly. You'll see that you have a lot to live for. Funny, that coming from someone who counts pills to see if there were enough left to kill her, just in case. ;) But see, that's just me. I've been that way ever since I was 10. Yes, ten! At ten I daydreamed about how I would die.. or how everyone else around me would. Yeah, sorry.. I kinda dreamt about you dying too. Imagine, being young and wondering what it was like to pull a trigger with the gun aimed at your head. So cute, no?

Ok ok, fine. Messed up, more like. I'm not saying that my life is perfect. I know it isn't. Far from it, in fact. I myself know that I'm not free from suicidal tendacies. But I try.

It seems that nowadays, people are more open about their problems. Does that mean that we, as a society, are coming to terms with ourselves? Or are we just giving up? Or is admitting the fact that we have a problem the first step to recovery? What am I saying? I think I was saying something important but I guess not. Oh oh. Or is it just becoming evident how tough life is getting as time goes on? Or were people back then better at coping? Or maybe I'm just being shortsighted. No, I'm not being shortsighted. Being shortsighted is when I don't try to explore or look at the issue from different aspects. I'm being ignorant.

I haven't found a good reason for suicide. Except in that movie, Million Dollar Baby, when that paralyzed girl died, which is sort of suicide anyway.. that was a beautiful death. But again, it was a movie. Sadly, most suicides aren't beautiful. Only stupid.

all i need is you

This is a video of Altered Frequency playing their song, All I Need Is You, from their soon to be released album. Love love love. Video taken using my Sony Cybershot DSC-M2. Sorry about the shakes and the voices in the background. Haha. Cousin couldn't keep his mouth shut. *rolls eyes*

Enjoy. =)

emily is sick

I'm so sick it's not even funny.

And my arse currently hurts so much I'm about ready to saw myself in half. I think it's cos I've been lying too much, resting and what not.

Been down with the flu, I think. And a fever and stuff. Coughing, sneezing, headaches. Urgh. Hate.

Hahahaha.. you can tell how often I get sick cos I'm so not used to all this misery.

I even took a shower one morning and was all like, ow! ow! cos the water on my skin equalled pain and then towelling off the water was equal to even more pain. So this morning, I decided to skip the shower.

I also was not used to being so friggin cold even under two sheets of blankets with long sleeves and long pants on. The air-con wasn't even turned on and the windows were closed. Yeah, I was trying to warm up.. didn't work. :P

My skin was also so super sensitive to everything I touched. Aduh.. I can't even stand being online long cos my arse hurts that much. So, I think I shall leave now. Tata.

free 2 be connected youth rally

Last weekend (11th and 12th March) was the Free 2 Be Connected Youth Rally. This year's rally was held at the Miri Indoor Stadium. A much better location compared to the previous years because this time there's a less chance of the building collapsing what with all the jumping. Haha.


The Band.

Was there for both nights. First night, we all sat someplace close to the stage. Urgh! Geez, people are crazy.. Jumping around and all that, bumping into other people.. Stupid Jimmy. He was like, pushing onto my shoulders to jump higher. Buduh...




Altered Frequency came over to perform.


That's the bassist David Gary with Rev. Christopher Long.


Chris Long and Andy.


The crowd on the first night.


Me and Kok Kiong, my classmate from Secondary School. Urgh.. my face is so fat.


This is me with my cousin from the bidayuh side of my family, Natalia.


Me with Daniel. =) I like the background in the picture lar.

On the second night, we opted to sit up in the balcony because we didn't want to face the crowd again.. that whole bunch of crazy people. Yeah, seriously crazy la those people. Scary.








Look, it's David Gary again. Eheh.




This is my friend, Joshua. Also known as Guava Boy for his efforts in keeping our city safe.


With Chris Long. So siaw wan his pose.

i never even asked

Last Sunday, I was in the kitchen getting a drink from the refridgerator when my brother walked into the room and said something to which I proceeded to curl up into a foetus position on the floor and cried.

What did he say? -_-"

He said, "Did you know that the male G-spot is in the rectum?"

Of all the random things to say!!!!!! Geez!

I was just kidding about the curling up into a foetus position and crying though.

But yeah.. like eww. *shudder* Yuck.

snippets of life you don't want to go through

"Oh! You got a girlfriend?"

"Yeah..

.. but my gf's 6 feet under liaw loh..."

".......... I'm so sorry.... I forgot..."

"It's okay."

".........."

".........."

"This is awkward."

"Ha ha.. yeah..."

how do i put these feelings into words

You said, somehow there's just this vibe about you thats like...oh she's a nice girl i have to treat her nice and take care of her

sort of feeling

not "i have to"

more like "i want to"

What you said, provoked a great need to smile in spite of my sadness. I just want to remember that.. you're a great friend to have.

hehehehehehehe

Saru Kun: by the way

Saru Kun: google "pon and zi"

Saru Kun: i'm sure you will be rather happy

Emily: AAAHHH!

Emily: I LOVE YOU!!

Emily: hahahahahaa

Emily: HUGSSSSS!!

Saru Kun: i love you too ^^

Emily: must.. refrain.. from giggling!!