angry little asian girl

Kim, the angry little
asian girl is true to
her moniker. She's
one short tempered
little girl. Grrr!!!

I seem to be getting pissed off and falling into a bad mood very often recently. Hmm.

random childhood memory #1

The other day, I was eating some mangos and it reminded me of when I was a child. I loved eating mangos. I would practically stuff my face with the stuff. Just like my little sister does now. Well, it reminded me of those times when after I would be done stuffing my face with mangos, my dad would poke my tummy and say things like, "Ooh! I can tell how many mangos you've eaten. You've eaten..... 7 pieces of mango!" and I'd be so amazed. Like, how does he know?? Wow! Magic! My daddy must be a psychic!! And he'd do that every single time after I was done eating mangos. Haha. Silly dad. Silly me.

Here's how he does it. Here's the secret. A magician's secret. He would watch me while I was eating my mangos and count as I ate them. Heheheh. Magic.

diseased

Can you see my sadness? Can you feel my pain..?

I think I'm the most sordid person I know. How is it that everytime no one's around, I fall into depression? Why can't I be happy again?? Why? Why is it that all I manage to achieve is just some temporary high? Happiness to me is something that lasts much longer. A feeling of contentness with Life.

I despise this feeling of lonliness. Although I maybe surrounded by others but that feeling is always there. Pathetic little me.. Read an article the other day about bipolar disorder. Now I'm wondering if I have it.

bipolar disorder, formerly manic-depressive disorder or manic-depression, severe mental disorder involving manic episodes that are usually accompanied by episodes of depression. The term “manic-depression” was introduced by the German psychiatrist Emil Kraepelin in 1896. The manic phase of the disorder is characterized by an abnormally elevated or irritable mood, grandiosity, sleeplessness, extravagance, and a tendency toward irrational judgment. During the depressed phase, the person tends to appear lethargic and withdrawn, shows a lack of concentration, and expresses feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, and guilt. This dual character of the disorder has given it the name bipolar disorder, in contrast to the unipolar depression symptomatic of the majority of mood disorders. The symptoms range in intensity and pattern and may not be recognized at first. Individuals suffering from bipolar disorder may have long periods in their lives without episodes of mania or depression, but manic-depressives have the highest suicide rate of any group with a psychological disorder.

- infoplease.com

Bipolar disorder is a condition that causes extreme shifts in mood, energy, and functioning. In most populations it affects around 1 percent of the population. Men and women are equally likely to develop this often-disabling illness. The disorder typically emerges in adolescence or early adulthood and affects sufferers throughout their lifespan. Although traditionally thought of as an adult disorder, there is now recognition that children also suffer from bipolar disorder. There are no definite known causes. Scientists believe that Bipolar Disorder may be caused by a combination of biological and psychological factors. Most commonly the onset of this disorder can be linked to stressful life events. Cycles, or episodes, of depression, mania, or "mixed" manic and depressive symptoms typically recur and may become more frequent, often disrupting work, school, family, and social life. The "kindling" theory suggests that persons who are genetically prone (toward bipolar) experience a series of stressful events, each of which lowers the threshold at which mood changes occur. Then at some point these mood changes occur spontaneously.^[1] The person then "becomes bipolar". This might explain why the cause of bipolar is difficult to pinpoint but is somehow related to genetics and environment.

There is a tendency to romanticize bipolar disorder, especially in artistic circles. Many artists, musicians, and writers have experienced its mood swings, and some credit the condition with their creativity. However, many lives are ruined by this disease, and it is associated with a greatly increased risk of suicide.

- wikipedia.org

Sounds a lot like me. But.. *shrugs* I don't know. How could someone so young already be so unhappy with life? I think the part about the huge mood swings is particularly true to me. I could be happy, cheerful, all joking around one moment, and I could be pissed, depressed, and moody the next.

Maybe I'm only unhappy because I'm too demanding. Could it be that I am so demanding that I am never satisfied causing me to be unhappy about the things I have been given?

Whatever it is, it's no fun. Hmmm.. here's a little secret.. everytime I got to make a wish.. birthday wishes and all that.. I always wished for happiness. Never anything else. And not only for me. For everyone. But I guess that wish won't come true anymore since I just said it out loud. Hmm.

This has been going on for months now.. It has to stop.. and I'm still waiting for it to.. but when?

Sigh. Lonely, sad, depressed, angry.. in dire need of a hug.. from someone who understands why they're giving me one. How I miss the feeling of security when I'm in someone's arms. Hug me?

What a bloody crap entry this one is.

degree orientation week (25th July 2005 - 30th July 2005)

25th July 2005 - 30th July 2005

Ahhh... from mentor to MC (Cultural Night) to SOAR (Student Orientation Advising and Registration) Advisor.




Day 1 (Monday - 25th July 2005)

Today was only for registration. Worked the O-Kits (orientation kit)... meaning I had to sit at the tables outside of Student Services and explain to the new kids about their o-kits. What they had inside, what they were for, etc etc. Hehehe. Easy job. The hardest job was probably the campus tours. Those doing the campus tours had to bring the new students around the campus and they had to talk a lot about the place, etc.

KY and Hiew checking out the Degree O-Week Program booklet.

Oh, after lunch break, skipped out on the O-kits and went off to the airport along with Ian, Roger, Mel, and Mr Abel to go pick up the Petronas Students. Chewah!! In bold lagi tu! Like VIPs bah they all. Haha. Well, Ian, Roger, and I used the Curtin Bus over to the airport. Damn! That driver seriously took his time! Took us almost an hour just to get to the airport!! Usually it would only take about maybe 15 minutes to get there. My gosh. Luckily Mel and Mr Abel went over to the airport using his car so they all arrived earlier and managed to entertain the new students whilst waiting for the bus to arrive.

Mr Abel entertaining the Petronas students


The new Petronas students in the Curtin bus

After that, went back to Curtin but my task of taking care of the O-kits have been taken over by the other SOAR Advisors so went inside Student Services to help the Petronas students to register. Haha. It's so funny that everyone was so intimidated by them. I don't blame them though. The Petronas scholarship is damn hard to get and you really have to be some super intelligent, super outstanding person to be eligible to get that scholarship. After that, brought all of them out for a campus tour, altogether! Hehehe. All the new Petronas kids along with all the SOAR Advisors. See?? Really like VIPs bah. -_-" And that was pretty much all for the first day.

Oh yes, after everyone was done with work we all went out.... shopping!! Hahaha. Had to anyways since we all had to be dressed in black formal the next day. Mr Abel wanted all the guys to be wearing silver ties so they boys all bought silver ties from Parkson later that night. The girls went to buy whole outfits. Haha. Except for the skirts which all of them already had. So they all bought tops, shirts, and heels. Chewah. Pam, Mel, and Gen all got the same pair of heels. :P Cute. Then we all had dinner at McD. Bwahahah!




Day 2 (Tuesday - 26th July 2005)

Official starting day of orientation week. Attire for the day: Black formal. Wahh!! Should've seen everyone man! Don't worry, I'll post some pictures up. Hah! Gorgeous. Everyone looked so smart. And me? Man.. I was DDG! Muahahaha... Just kidding, k. Man.. I would never say something like that about myself out loud. Actually, I look very cacat. -_-"

The ladies of SOAR. Damn.. I'm short. And I'm missing a leg. -_-" Maybe that's why I'm short. Hehehe.


Smart leh. ;) Intimidating too.

Doesn't everyone just look so great? Oh ya, thanks Kym!! Hahaha. I borrowed her shirt to use. :P The one I'm wearing over my other top. Hehe!

We started the day with an ice-breaking session. We did the usual pasting the name of animals on people's backs and then making them find their own groups without making a sound. Kekekeh. Oh yes, and there's the usual electing a leader and assistant group leader and then coming up with a group cheer. Woooo... their group cheer was nice!! Hehehe. Oh yes, the group I was in charge of was the Kangaroo group together with crazy boy Ian!! Haha. Damnit lah.. that boy is nuts. In a good way, of course.

*Singing* Getting to know you.. getting to know all about you..

Altogether, there were about 120 new degree students. Not such a bad number either. :P

New faces. ^_^

Then all the boring sessions started. *yawn* Yups, boring. But essential! I remember missing my orientation cos I registered late. So, I missed it. Pity me. So, I was pretty much lost when classes all started. Heheh. Nothing much to say about the second day cos nothing much happened. Only the ice-breaking bit and that's it.

Oh yes, what was interesting about that day was this! After all the new students had gone home, we all decided to go out to a nearby commercial centre to get some food. So we all got into several cars and drove over. We all arrived at about the same time. And when we all got out of our cars, we can just feel everyone's attention being averted to us. Then you see them starting to talk and point us out to others. Haha! I don't blame them. I'd have done the same. What with each and every single one of us wearing totally black from head to toe, with the exception of the guys who had silver ties. Plus, we were all so formally dressed, all going out just to grab some grub at a local mamak stall. Damn intimidating, don't you think??

MIB (just ignore the girl on the left)


Not to worry! We're just your local friendly soul reapers. =)

That's pretty much it for the second day. Now on to the next..




Day 3 (Wednesday - 27th July 2005)

Today's attire: White top + Jeans

"Are they angels...? They all seem to be wearing white..."

First thing in the morning, we had our usual morning energizer. Dancing and a bit of games. The first session that morning was the Meeting & Introduction to Degree Schools Session. Meaning, all the lecturers from either the Commerce/Engineering side would come by and introduce themselves to the new students and give a little talk. For this session, we had to seperate the students into two groups. Commerce & Media students were brought to another class whilst the Engineering students got to stay back in the Lecture Theatre.

And there's a huge difference between the lecturers for Engineering and Commerce/Media. Damn. Huge huge huge difference. The Commerce/Media lecturers actually got the students to participate and talk during their session whilst the Engineering lecturers started putting everyone to sleep. So boring!! And another thing.. the Commerce/Media lecturers actually provided their students with food and refreshments whilst the poor Engineering students got nothing.

pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie

Yups, so unfair!! They got pie!! And curry puffs! And coffee and tea and some other pastries. Wah! So nice.

Then, lunch break, and then everyone came back to the LT (lecture theatre) for the second session for the day. Then after that, we all taught them to read our very colourful, super-confusing, eye blinding... TIMETABLE! This particular session was conducted by the SOAR Advisors. :P Then after that, we all sat with them whilst we discussed and talked about the things learnt for that particular day, as well as what they would like to perform for the O-Beach. A party that would be held at Hawaii Beach just for the new degree students. Specially organised by the Student Council. (Applause please)

Muh baby kangaroos discussing what they should do for their performance.

Day 4 (Thursday - 28th July 2005)

Today's Attire: Curtin Camp t-shirt + jeans.

I would be MC'ing today! Didn't think I could do it. Since that morning I was feeling pretty depressed. Don't remember why... but I remember what Abel had said about having to smile all the time. So, as soon as the first new student walked into the LT, I plastered a smile on my face. The kangaroo group leader, Aaron, even asked as he walked by me that morning, "Why are you always so cheerful and happy?? Everytime I see you, you're smiling!" to which I shrugged a reply.

Our morning energizer that morning was a treasure hunt. Which sadly, went horribly wrong. Pity pity pity. =( The clues got mixed up which resulted in my group missing out a couple of clues and managing to reach the last checkpoint without collecting all of the clues. Oh well.

After our morning energizers, it was my turn to MC. Did, OK! That's all I can say. That day was nothing special. After the Teaching & Learning Session which was conducted by Associate Professor Rosslyn Albon, the new students were out of the LT and heading out to do their class registration. That afternoon was left free for the new students to just practice their performances and what not. Which they did. The adorable runts.

L to R: Ian, Aylwin, Roger, and me.

Day 5 (Friday - 29th July 2005)

Attire: Black formal (Again!)

Today was just a day to introduce the new kids to the Student Council as well as all the Clubs & Societies available in Curtin. CV! as usual, had the most interesting presentation. After that, they all got to go out to the LT Foyer to register for whatever clubs/societies they wanted to join. And fuyoh.. a lot of people signed up with CV! Very mengkagumkan. Haha!

That afternoon, was also left free. So the students could practice their perfomances with the rest of their group members. Walking around campus, you could see all the groups practicing all over campus. Anywhere they could. The kangaroos, the lions, the ducks, the cows, and the dogs. It was great seeing everyone working together like that. Creating bonds. Awww.. so touching. We SOAR Advisors at the time were just hanging about.. watching everyone at work.. chillin' out. It was our turn to just sit back and relax!! Hahaha.

Later in the evening, we all went out shopping again. Cos we all needed beachwear!! I didn't have any! All I ever wear are my hightops. So, I really needed to buy some slippers and some shorts since all I had at home were jeans. Haha. Bought some slippers at Boulevard and then went over to Parkson to get my shorts. Lol. Pity the driver who had to drive me all around town. ;)

Day 6 (Saturday - 30th July 2005)
Beach Party and BBQ!!

Ah. Finally. Time to sit back and relax.

SOAR Advisors go to the beach!

Unfortunately, it wasn't time for me to sit back and relax. Cos I got bitten by sooooo many mosquitoes and sandflies. I must've gotten almost 20 bites that day. And it was all over my body too. From my face down to my toes. Urgh!!! Those bugs just pissed me off. Damnit! Luckily Iqbal brought me some insect repellent. Thanks Iqbal! You're a real lifesaver!! *sob sob*

Anyways, they also had games, organised by the Student Council for the new kids. Haha. A little race, beach soccer competition, and a sand castle building competition. Hehehe. The SOAR Advisors were left with nothing to do while the games were being played so we basically just danced along to whatever song was being played. Hahaha. We even danced the I Will Survive song in the water!! Nuts.

Damn Roger.. wanting to choke me!! T_T
Behind: Roger, Genesis, Pamela
Front: Me

Oh yes, and then there was also a tug-o-war. Argh!! Why argh? Cos they had the tug-o-war in the sea!! In the water!! Hahaha. First they battled each one of the students out. Not each one, I mean, each group. Haha. When they were done with the new students, it was time for the SOAR Advisors and the Student Council to battle it out!! Of course, the SOAR Advisors won! But the student council cheated. Cos after the game was over, they started pulling again. Tak puas ka?? And then the new students joined them to help them pull us into the water!! What the... they're supposed to be on the SOAR Advisor's side!!! Anyways, after all the fun and games, went back to the chalets where they were done cooking our food. Yummy!

Alan (one of my Kangaroos) & I after the game of tug-o-war.

After eating. Satisfied faces, satisfied tummies (not really lah). However, it's clear that Iqbal still wants more. Hmmm...
L to R: Tiang, me, Roger, Snow Jae, and Iqbal.

After that, and after everyone was done cleaning up and it was time for the performances! Jeng jeng jeng! The best performances were from the Cow and the Kangaroo group! Yay!! Hahaha.
Really amusing.

The End.



(Actually, this isn't the end. There's still more to come.)

;)

cuba try test

Credits to Syafiq. Since it's his video. :P

These guys are definitely nuts. And jobless.

Hahaha. Initially only posted this video up just to prove to Syafiq that you can actually post videos up using YouTube.com onto your blogspot. Now I've just decided to leave it here. To share. =)

not for the faint hearted

Do you think you're easily scared? Do you think you're macho? Are you up for a challenge?

How about exploring a haunted house? Are you adventurous enough?

If you are, then click to go to... the House.

If you're not, you are a LOSER!! Muahaha. Damn, I'm mean.

Just kidding lah.. no offense. =)

Enjoy!

cultural night (12th July 2005)

Cultural Night! The reason why I had to become a mentor for the Curtin Camp '05. The camp was just training for me and the other selected MCs.

MC Kim.

Hehee. That was me that night. I edited the picture, of course. Cos I look horrible in pictures. Muahaha. Oh yes. The afternoon of the Cultural Night, we all, the other camp mentors and I, went to Carol Hair Saloon for a makeover. Aarrggghhh!!! Which wasn't too bad actually. Hehehe. Click HERE for pictures that I took of everyone after their makeovers. Not bad, eh? Hehehe. Everyone said I looked nice. But I've no idea. I thought I looked pretty bad. *cringe* And odd. But everyone else looked so different from usual. Gorgeous! Pretty. Handsome. Very nice lah. We had to be the best looking people there that night. ;) Oh yes, we invited our mentees from the camp to Curtin's first ever Cultural Night too.

I was to perform my Jive and this time, we decided, instead of just dancing, we would incoperate (is this the right word to use?) a little sketch into the dance. ;) The rest of my groupmates from Moral Studies had been practising on their own while I was busy and away with the Curtin Camp '05. Then, during the camp, since managed to meet up with Tiang and Roger again, I asked them if they would be willing to help out to be extra dancers for the dance since we needed more people anyway. =) They accepted. In the end, there were too many boys. One extra boy without a gal partner anyway. And that's how we came up with the idea of having a sketch which would be done by Tiang, Roger, and I.

It starts out like this. The other couples would be dancing in the background. Just to set the atmosphere of a ballroom or dancespot or whatever. I would be standing alone in the middle. Nobody wanted to dance with me. =( Then Roger comes along and asks me for a dance. Yay. ^_^ Then bad boy Tiang cuts in! And steals me away. *crowd cheers/boos/awws* and Roger is left all alone and this Roger buat bodoh a bit lah. Like, he doesn't realise that another guy had just stolen his dance partner and continues dancing alone. Then, he suddenly notices that I'm gone and looks to his left and notices me already dancing with another guy. So Roger then positions himself, gets ready, and trips Tiang! Muahaha. *crowd laughs/applaud/cheer* Tiang falls, and Roger takes my hand and pulls me over to one side and we both start dancing again. Then comes this one part where Roger would swing me out and then Tiang would grab my arm and start pulling at me to try get me back but Roger would also be pulling on the other side. And they both would keep pulling until suddenly I trip and fall. Then.. suddenly.. both of them starts laughing and pointing at me! Then they put their arms around each others' shoulders and walk off leaving me on the ground with a shocked expression on my face!! *crowd laughs*

Haha. And that's basically my group's performance for the night. :P There were also other interesting performances. For example, the Iban Tattoo Group (Gen's group) coming all the way from Sarawak. They all did a fashion show sort of thing. They all came out wearing jackets and stuff and they would each start taking off their clothing (not all lah, alright??) revealing the various tribal tattoos each of them had. They all had used markers to tattoo themselves earlier that day. Hehehe. Then there was also the Bamboo dance, from the Philippines. Which was simply so much fun to watch. Very energetic. Performed by McK's (who's Philipino) group. Then there was also a group that performed a Chinese Wedding Ceremony (from China) which I never got to watch cos I was always outside the lecture theatre at the time cos my group were to perform next but heard that it was good. Or I could hear from outside that it was a good performance. :P Oh yes, and there was also the Matador Group coming all the way from Spain! Hahaha. This one was funny. They had a guy tie his front hair to look like horns and they had him running around the lecture theatre like a bull konon. :P The act was just hilarious!! What else eh? Oh.. and then there's also the Karate Group from Japan!!! This group was also funny. Since they all didn't actually learn karate, they had to pretend they did. When they demonstrated cutting a board into pieces, they used this one thin, small, tiny, little plank. Yet they still acted like it was the toughest thing in the world to do and acted very macho after that. Hahaha. Just so funny. Then there was also the Halloween Fashion Show.. fuyoh!! Very very very nice. Whoever made those costumes was fantastic. Will post up some pictures when I manage to get a few. The show ended with the International Fashion Show where they had different costumes from different countries. They had costumes from China, Korea, India, Philippines, etc. Nice! *thumbs up*

After the show was over, all the foundation students went home immediately while we mentors hung out with our mentees that had managed to make it that night. Damn, foundation students are no fun! Cos they didn't even want to dance with us but all our mentees did. Then our mentees continued taking pictures with us.. Dennis our star, stayed back and played the piano for us, Abel sang along with him, everyone else either mingled around, took pictures, or danced. =) I just love those kids. They're such sports and much more fun than most of the Curtin students who seems to have forgotten how to have fun. Muahaha. Okay, that's all.

tea and sympathy

From Jars of Clay - Tea and Sympathy

Fare thee well
Tradin' all our words for tea and sympathy
Wonder why we tried, for things could never be
Play our hearts' lament like an unrehearsed symphony

Not intend
To leave this castle full of empty rooms
Our love the captive in the tower never rescued
And all our victory songs seem to be playing out of tune

'Cause it's not the way that it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy, no
And it's not the way that it has to be

You begin
All your words fall to the floor and break like china cups
And a waitress grabs a broom and tries to sweep them up
I reach for my tea, slowly drink in

'Cause it's not the way that it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy, no
And it's not the way
That it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy

Fare thee well
The words, the bag of leaves that fill my head
I could taste the biterness and call the waitress instead
'Cause she holds the answer, smiles and asks one teaspoon or two

'Cause it's not the way that it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy, no
And it's not the way that it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy
And it's not he way that it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy, no
'Cause it's not the way that it has to be
Don't trade our love for tea and sympathy

Don't trade us for tea and sympathy
Don't trade us for tea and sympathy
We can work it out
Don't trade us for tea and sympathy
Don't trade us for tea and sympathy
We can work it out
We can work it out

"What happens when everyone's gone and you're left once again, alone and on your own..? Nothing but emptiness awaits you.. like an old friend always there patiently waiting for your return."

dear friendster users

My turn. I know tonnes of other bloggers have also written about his/her friendster's pet peeves. I know it's getting to be boring. But I don't think some points about some friendster users cannot be stressed enough. Like for one..

WhAT ThE fUck dO tHOse reTArDs On FRiEndSter HaVE AbOUt TypINg ThIs WaY?!?!?! WhY?!????!!! DoeS iT SuPpoSedLY SaY SomEThiNg sUpPoseDly pOsITiVe AbOuT tHe pErSon YoU aRE??? OtHer ThaB yOU bEIng inCreDiblY pAtieNt aNd OthER ThAn yOU aRe A FriGgiN rEtArd, oF CouRse! AnD ThAT YoU ARe IN DirE nEeD oF a pRoPEr tYPing LEssoN!! The answer is simple, NO.

And what is with those people who are so obsessed about "collecting" friends. Having multiple accounts and then having to announce in their profiles how many FULL accounts they got on friendster?? How many of your supposedly friends on your list do you really know? What's the point of going around adding people to your friends list only to ignore them forever. Do you really have no real friends that you have to do that? I rather have a few close friends than have a whole bunch of strangers that I can't even talk to.

At least, when people whom I don't know request to be my friend, I do make the effort to try to know them a bit better by dropping them a message. And if you do want to be my friend, it would be better if you had messaged me first before instead having me message you. It's called courtesy. Of course, those I do know, I don't mind if they message me on friendster or not.

Another thing, testimonials. Copy and pasting stupid testimonials with pictures of bears and footprints and what not. -_-" Do you people even know what a testimonial is??!

tes•ti•mo•ni•al

Pronunciation: (tes"tu-mō'nē-ul), [key]
—n.
1. a written declaration certifying to a person's character, conduct, or qualifications, or to the value, excellence, etc., of a thing; a letter or written statement of recommendation.
2. something given or done as an expression of esteem, admiration, or gratitude.

—adj.
pertaining to or serving as a testimonial: a testimonial dinner for the retiring dean.

- Infoplease.com

You're supposed to be writing about the person you're giving a testimonial to! Understood?!

And then there's that forwarded message about friendster shutting down. Lame. And you all fell for it?

There's so much more I could write about but you're more than likely to have seen it all by now.

*bows*

moshing for jesus

Just wanted to try uploading a video for my blog. =) This is a video from the Free 2 Be, a Christian concert, earlier this year. This was at this SIB church which is up on Canada Hill. My brothers are in the band but they weren't performing that night so don't bother trying to look for them performing on stage. :P Don't bother trying to look for me either, cos I was not there at all. I didn't go. :P And don't bother trying to mess about with your speakers or volume control cos there is no sound, ok?? This video was taken using my cousin's poor excuse for a digicam which also does not have a microphone. So.. yeah.

why yew dirty beet-ches

Warning: Dumb, stupid, useless post.

Last week, my cousins and I went to the beach.. the sunset there was gorgeous.. the way the rays from the sun shone through the clouds was awesome.. just reminds you about how beautiful nature is..

Beautiful sunset, lovely rays.

Tranquil sea, come claim me to be a part of you.

All was peaceful.. too peaceful.. till we came along! My cousins and I, at least. :P

Hello, World. Are we scaring you yet??
L to R: Greg, Charles, Alex, my aunty Janet, little Andy, Aaron, Grace, and *ahem*.. me.

Bunnies spotted swimming in the sea!!
L to R: Andy, Charles, aunty Janet, Grace, ME, Alex, Aaron, and Greg.


Same family, same genes, all retards.
L to R: Andy, Charles, Grace, ME, Min, Alex, Greg, and Aaron.


Flipping off the camera person.
L to R: Me, Grace, Min.


There's no escaping the.. Y-M-C-A! There's no escaping the Y-M-C-A-eh!!~
L to R: Me, Charles, Alex, Aaron.


With the powers of the cousins combined.. we are...... RETARDED!!

And so, our job here is done! We broke the silence, we ruined the sunset!! Muahaha!!

losing streak

But hey.. life at the moment is bad enough and I've been through worse (as of yet) so, what have I got to lose?

- "this road is forked", Emily 2005.

Apparantly, still a lot..

dear rafie

Holding hands, making plans.

You know you are never far from my thoughts..

You mean so much more to me than you would ever know.

You have been there for me too many times.. too many because I never deserved it. Once is already too much. But yes, thank you, very much.. for always being there.. you know I never deserved it but still you stayed..

When you hugged me, everything wrong with this world seemed right.. When you held my hand, I felt safe.. When you touched my face, I felt beautiful.. When you looked into my eyes, I felt secure.. Whenever you were near, I felt loved.

You taught me so much.. even to just hold hands with someone special.. you taught me to love. Before, you said you admired the fact that was not afraid to love.. you never knew that it was all cos of you..

Yes, I was afraid to love you.. afraid of getting hurt again.. but it just felt so right loving you.. In the end, I got hurt. But is this really the end?

You managed to break down that wall that has caused me to be so apathetic in the past. You never really saw me being that way though.. at least, I doubt you did..

You taught me to be a better person.. I know I have broken promises that I have made to you.. I know you got upset only because you still care.. I'm sincerely very sorry..

I know that my sorries don't mean much to you anymore.. I feel that I have used that too many times with you.. too many times have I wronged you.. but there's little more that I can do or say.

It's been a year since I first got to know you.. half of it spent being with you. I still remember that first day/night/day.. we never expected what was to become of us. You thought you were just gonna make another friend.. I thought you were just gonna be another acquaintance. We ended up talking all night.. you ended up giving me a history lesson.. Haha.. you sang to me too.. Sheila On 7's Berhenti Berharap. Remember our display pictures? I still do.

We talked till I got found out by my dad later that morning.. Boy, was he pissed. But I couldn't stop.. you were so different.. I loved it. I have no idea how you managed to find me interesting, but you did. Everyday, since that night, we kept in touch. We would chat, sms, and call one another. Never before, have I called someone who I just got to know a few days before who is almost still a complete stranger to me. But you intrigued me.

8 days later.. we happened.

In the course of the next 6 months, we laughed, cried, joked, played around, had fun together. But we also cried, cursed, argued, fought. We did a lot of stupid things.. both good and bad.. I know I definitely did a lot of the bad/stupid variety.

We don't get to talk as often as we used to.. But you're still the only one who knows how to handle me. You're still the only one that manages to make me smile one second and cry the next if you had wanted to. You're still the one that knows me best. You are my best friend. You may think that you have lost that title just because I've made more friends but as of yet, depending on whether you still want to defend your title, you are my best friend.

Remember when you first came to see me? I came to pick you up from the airport with 2 of your nutso friends that I had to also meet that same day.. Me, being the introverted person that I am, having to meet 2 complete strangers and get in a car with one of them, just to see you in person (also for the first time), was tough for me, but I had to, because I wanted to see you. You told me you were proud of how brave I was later on when I finally got to meet you. I know you were just kidding about how proud you actually were of me, but I was. =)

I remember you coming over in the middle of the night in your friend's car just because you were worried about me.. so you came over just to talk.. I still remember what you wore that night.. I still remember how the lights from the streetlamps, how they shone on your face.. I remember how quiet I was.. and how you did most of the talking that night..

I remember the 31st of October.

I remember January.. your trip over to Miri with your XPDC club. It was the first time we all actually got to go around Miri together. The first time you came over, we didn't go around much. I remember that CD you burnt me. I remember the rain, the short skirts, the baby tees, the necklace.. I remember Tanjong beach. I remember Niah..

Then Gawai came, this time I got to go over to where you were. I remember all those nights.. We weren't together anymore at the time.. but still. Heh. I remember all those late night rendezvous. I remember that staircase. I remember bumping my head on your bedroom ceiling. I remember getting tipsy together. I remember you.

Would it still suprise you to know that I still love you? That I still care?

I know it would suprise me to know that you still do.

Don't think I'm writing this just because I feel a need to.. I'm writing this because I want to..

I still care for you, whether you like it or not.. and I will continue to care for you. You have been a huge part of my life.. you won't ever be forgotten. Someone like you is not easily forgotten. You were special to me, and always will be. You will always be my Beetle Boy, my little dope angel. =)

I love you, b.

this road is forked

You guys are the bomb. We rock. =)

The tragedy of the position we all got ourselves into is definitely quite unfortunate. It's amazing how close you can get to people in a matter of just a few days. I cherish and hold you both close and dear to me. Never did it even cross my mind that something like this would happen.

Tiang, you've been such a great friend.. all those late nights you stayed up with me.. making sure I went to bed first.. you never had to do that, yet you still did.. I owe you a lot.. you have always been there to listen and to give advice.. always the optimist. Although, I must admit.. you being so cheery makes me just want to shoot myself at times. (Ps. You should eat more, my Tepung Friend) Yes, thank you, Tiang, for taking care of me. It's always nice talking to you. I will always care for you. You can count on me too. =)

Roger, also always the optimist.. when both you and Tiang are being so cheery, I just want to shoot myself more. =) Seriously, sometimes I wonder if the both of you are on drugs. Hmm.. oh yes, you're tall enough. Quit complaining. Lokek! Kedekut! Seriously, dude. 3 ringgit to a friend also have to think so much. Likes to tease, likes to have fun, a lot. Rarely get to see his quieter, more serious and mature side. Hmm.. or do you not have one? Wait.. I did see it, once. When we had a talk in your car. I'm sorry for I must have disappointed you.. my results came out horrible.. you helped as much as you could.. but it still wasn't enough. Seriously, I was so scared taking that test just because I was afraid of disappointing you. =(

I'm sorry to have hurt you both, though unintentionally.. Please don't take this entry personally if you find it offensive. I did not write this to offend anyone.

I love you both. I'm hoping that no matter what happens, we'll still stay friends.. I really have fun when I'm with the both of you..

This was just a weird entry to write. I don't even know if I should publish it. But hey.. life at the moment is bad enough and I've been through worse (as of yet) so, what have I got to lose?