time to grow

Well.. changed the song for my blog again. =) Love this song very very much. And no, this time it isn't a sexy song. :P Hehe.. Should be my theme song, this one. Heh. This is Lemar with Time to Grow. =)

Last night i tried but i couldn't sleep
Thoughts of you were in my head
I was lonely and i needed you next to me
Life is harder since you left
I never meant to do you wrong
And now all is said and done
I hope you won't be gone too long.. No..

Where do i go
What do i do
I can't deny i still feel something
And girl, i wish you could say you feel the same
You've broken the bond
I gotta move on
But how do i end this lonely feeling?
You've gone, I'm here, alone
I guess it's time to grow

I try to speak, but my words never catch the air
Like you never knew i was there
Take me back to the days when you really cared
Can we make love re-appear?
I can't go on the roads too long
And now all is said and done
I can't go forward if my heart's still where i'm coming from

Where do i go
What do i do
I can't deny i still feel something
And girl, i wish you could say you feel the same
You've broken the bond
I gotta move on
But how do i end this lonely feeling?
You've gone, I'm here, alone
I guess it's time to grow

Crying time is over
I know i can't control her feelings
If she won't return, then i guess i'll be a man
and move on

Time to grow / And move on
Make life better than it was before
Time to grow and move on
Make love better than i did before

Though you've gone / And i'm here, alone
I guess it's time to grow

my saturday - part I

Since I am so bored, and I still got hmm... an hour to go before my next class... I will tell y'all about my Saturday. Haha. Only cos I got a lot of pics to post up from that day. And I love pictures! But I love taking pictures even more. :D These were all taken by me. Except for the ones where I'm also inside. Which isn't much, really. =) First up are the pictures taken from the BBQ at Tanjung where we had a little reunion of sorts. Haha. For the 5s1 and the 5s2 kids.

Wani & Halim

"My drink is better than yours! Damn right, it's better than yours!"
Wani & Harvill, macam mok gaduh bah!! Yea yea!! Fight fight fight!!

Weirdos, whom I call my friends. Wani showing off her hippie side. Harvill distracted by a girl doing a Baywatch move on the beach. Halim eyeing a burger in the distance.

Simply put, Harvill's weiner. Muahaha!!

Harvill's feet and My feet. My first appearance! Wahahaha!!

A totally candid and random shot of us. Harvill halfway chewing his food, me looking at Halim's stomach, Halim looking at his own stomach, and Zaifah uhh... cuddling up to Halim? Hahaha.

Harvill and Me

Mark & Halim. Taking part in the "Who's bigger?" competition. Winner gets all the food. Loser goes on a diet!

Lovely pic of Mee Siu. Mostly cos of the background. Nyahaha.

Another lovely picture. This time it's one of Harvill. Muahaha!! I'm gewd. LoL. I'm sure exKay would have something to say about that. :P

I managed, single-handedly, to take a picture of the blair witch from quite close up. Muahaha! Quite an acomplishment, I tell you. This is definitely going on my resume!

Okay.. now brace yourselves for some of the more scenic pictures of Tanjung beach. =) These pictures need no captions. They speak for themselves.

I'm just gonna end this entry right here. With a sunset. =) Hehe. I don't think I'm actually supposed to be blogging right now in class. Although we are right now learning about how to use blogger. Putting in tagboards, counters and all that. Lame. *rolls eyes* Nothing I don't already know since I've been blogging for several years now. Muahaha!! So.. more later!!

cos it's cute

Argh!! I'm blogging from campus right now. Damn! Woke up early, rushed here only to find out that class has been cancelled. Sobs! Only when I rajin come then he cancels the class. Huh!! This must be his revenge. Haihh.. well, anyways.. haha.. look at all the interesting pictures you can find on the net.. take for example this picture of a rabbit with a pancake on it's head. Easily found using Google Image Search by typing in the keywords rabbit and pancake.

And here's another one I've managed to come across on Google. Hahaha. Aren't they just the cutest? :P

Anyways, I accidentally changed the template for my blog the other day as I was playing around with it and lost all my coding. Grr! So, right now, I'm attempting to recreate my blog. Haha. I'm so malang. Damn.

God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I suddenly feel so.. stressed.. so very pushed to my limit.. so fragile. I feel like giving up.. on everything. I just want to.. go away. Someplace where I can sleep forever. Never wake up.. sigh.. where there is no one. No one to expect anything from.. where no one can cause you pain.. Know what.. I guess I am emotionally unstable.. crying so easily nowadays. Sucks. Either that.. or I became ultra-sensitive to everything. Sigh. Still sucks. I want everything to just stop. So that I can catch my breath and catch up.. I feel like I'm lagging behind on everything.. Sigh.. I hate how.. I'm always just stumbling through life. With no actualy idea of what I'm doing.

A friend today said that she envies me because she's never fallen in love. I really don't know what there is to be envious of. I guess.. yeah.. love is great.. love is wonderful.. the feeling of being in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world.. but it also bring so much pain.. so much suffering.. so much tears.. I know I'm lucky.. to have experienced love.. and I know that, if it isn't painful.. then it isn't love. I guess I have no regrets about it really.. just that I wish.. I really wish that.. love could last forever.. I used to believe that it could. Especially if it was true.. but now I'm not so sure.

comfort me, i am sad

comfort me, i am sad
Originally uploaded by fallen86angel.

Don't know what's wrong with me today.. been feeling so down.. so low.. like there's something missing... been wanting to finish up all my work today.. but I haven't done anything.. at all. I just sit here.. and waste my time.. doing mindless things.. taking pictures.. editing them.. not really talking to anyone either.. although I'm online.. no mood.. Seems useless, right? Maybe I'm just waiting for someone to come about.. talk to me.. make me feel better.. help me get out of this rut. Sigh.. why why why?? Is it cos I feel like I've totally wasted my whole week? Not doing anything? I feel so bad inside. Did I do something wrong?

It's almost 1am now.. and I'm just blogging.. for no apparent reason. Just me.. ranting about nothing. Feeling sorry for myself, I suppose. A lot on my mind.. do I still love him? I must.. to still feel hurt by his actions... Why do I still love him? ... his love is just too hard to forget. But I must.. if I just want to be able to function properly.. Sigh.. why do I still miss him? Why do I still look for him to come online...? Yet, not chat to him when he is? I'm just afraid of what he might say... afraid that what he would say would hurt me.. yet I wonder about his day.. what has he been doing.. how he's doing.. How could I still care? After all the hurt he's put my through...? How could I still cry..? I guess I still do love him then..

Miss him badly though I won't admit it.. I can't.. I shouldn't. But this is me admitting it already. Heh.. I shouldn't cos I need to get used to this. I need to move on..

stupid school

Glare....

Okay.. so the week free is almost over. Damn this school sucks. Not only did they make the semester longer... (one semester used to be only 4 months, now it's almost 6 months) but also, we only get what... only one week free. -_-" And they managed to make our week free not feel like a week free at all with all the work and assignments they've dumped on us.

Pah!! What's more.. we still have classes on public holidays!! Shit la!~ What kinda school is this? Bloody hell. Labour Day still got class. Wesak Day also not counted. Grr!! This coming Monday.. everyone's gonna be like.. enjoying their long weekend.. and we Curtains have to go to class. Long weekend because yesterday was a public holiday cos it was Miri City Day. Then today is Wesak Day so Monday was supposed to be a public holiday. But noooooo... not for us.

Oh great.. I live in a city now. I'm not so hot about that though. The living costs here are probably gonna go up... as well as the cost of things. -_-" Mee kolok/mee kering now costs RM2 instead of the usual RM1.70. =( Hahaha... sound so cheapskate!

I'm not in a good mood today, if you haven't guessed it yet.

by your side

Well.. just changed the song on my blog.. To this one by Sade, called By Your Side.. such a beautiful, calming, and sexy song. Especially the sexy bit. Love it so so so so much. One of my favourite songs.. and I wanna share it with everyone else.

You think I'd leave your side baby?
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees?
I wouldn't do that.
I'll tell you you're right when you're wrong...
Oh Oh oh-oh-oh-oh
And if only you could see into me...

Oh when you're cold I'll be there to hold you tight to me
When you're on the outside baby and you can't get in
I will show you, you're so much better than you know
When you're lost, and you're alone and can't get back again
I will find you darling, and I'll bring you home
And if u want to cry I am here to dry your eyes,
and in no time you'll be fine...

You think I'd leave your side baby?
You know me better than that.
Think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees?
I wouldn't do that
I'll tell you you're right when you want
Oh, oh
If only you could see into me...

Oh when you're cold I'll be there to hold you tight to me, baby.
Ohh when you're alone I'll be there by your side baby, by your side baby.
Oh when your cold I'll be there to hold you tight to me, to me baby.
Ohh when you're alone I'll be there by your side baby.

Such a sweet love song.. makes you thankful to have someone who loves you. Who cares, who gives a damn.. who supports you no matter what.. who would stand by your side.. who would always love you.. who would look out for you.. protect you.. Heh.. I doubt a lot of people actually listen to this kinda music.. people I know anyways. Just hoping other people would be able to appreciate it the way I do. =)

episode III

Master Yoda

Okay. So, went to watch Star Wars : Episode 3 : Return of the Sith last night with Syafiq, Wani, and Nysa. Movie started at 11pm and lasted about 2 hours 20 minutes. Oh man!! It was so friggin cold in the cinema! Dahla I forgot to bring a jacket or a sweater. All Syafiq's fault la.. he kept rushing me until I forgot. -_-" But I was still alright, truth be told. Was cold. But not till I shivered and all that like the two other girls did. Haha. What's ironic was that they were the ones who had brought sweaters and jackets and wore shoes and what not. :P

Anyways, the movie.. in a word was disappointing. Haihhh.. seriously. So disappointing.. it was alright.. I suppose.. But it made me yawn. I mean.. yeah, it was boring too. Haha. Was really frustrated while watching the movie too.. cos throughout the whole movie, the picture was not clear.. it was blurry!!! Grr!! Ahahaha... banyak complain oh me? :D

The only thing I enjoyed about the movie was watching Master Yoda. He's so cute!!!!! And when he's in combat mode he just looks so hawt. Hahaha!! No, just kidding, but seriously. LoL! Hahaha.. he's so small that he makes me feel like I just wanna bring him to bed like a soft toy and cuddle with him there. Hahaha. But then.. I started thinking of all that wrinkly skin.. and the stringy hair. That was a turn off right there. Haha! Ok ok.. enough about him.

Well, that's all for now. Just wanted to complain about that movie. Bluahhhh!! In the beginning.. I was just like calm.. you know.. like.. this is just another movie. Nothing big. Everyone else however, were cheering and clapping as the movie started. Then 5 minutes into the movie, it just struck me.. like "OMG.. I'm watching Star Wars 3!! I'm watching Star Wars 3!!" like such a dork. Hahahaha. I only got that way after thinking of all the episodes they've made. This is like, the 6th Star Wars movie. That's just amazing.. to have 6 episodes altogether. But later on.. I found myself yawning and all that.

And here's a lil stupid video of a Jedi out to buy a car.

updates

I guess I owe this to everyone. An explaination as to why I completely disappeared off the blogging scene for a month. Or more than that actually. This is what's been happening...

• Rafie and I broke up. Yups.... I think it was 5 days before our 7 month anniversary. We got together on August 30th. You do the math. :P What's funny is that.. when ppl hear that we've broken up.. they assume that I was the one who dumped him. When I tell them otherwise, everyone's like "Oh...." Haha. Numero uno reason as to why I haven't been blogging much lately. As well as to why I started skipping classes and stopped doing my schoolwork. I'm doing better now. Definitely. And it's all thanks to people I call my friends. =) I guess this may be the worst breakup I've ever been through? :P Just because I got so depressed that I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat.. I mean, I would eat.. but everything I ate, I threw up. Yeah. I wouldn't talk to anyone.. all my smiles felt so fake. My laughter, empty.
  
  
• He's with someone else now. I have nothing against either of them. I hold no grudges whatsoever. Haha. Although I know I've been mean and dead nasty to Rafie whenever he tries to talk to me. Not ALL the time though. But it's only cos I can't take seeing him happy and knowing that it's no longer cos of me.
  
  
• He called me last night.. or this morning, actually. At like, 6am. We both sorta still talk. Although I've been.. avoiding him. In a way. He called to ask why I haven't been talking to him.. why I've been avoiding him.. and that he still wishes to hear from me.. that he wishes we still talked.. cos he still cares. But I don't know.. I told him.. it's cos I didn't want to cry anymore.. that's why I shouldn't.. I can't go looking for him the way I used to. I can't be dependent on him anymore. Not that I can't actually.. just that I shouldn't..
  
  
• My math lecturer is gonna kill me. I haven't passed up any of the work she gives us ever since the day Rafie and I broke up. Haha!! What to do... after that day... seriously no mood for anything. Sure, I always looked for distractions for myself. But they never worked. But now, I'm trying my best to catch up and finish up everything. =)

I guess that's all that's been happening? Haha. Well, that's just the major thing anyway. It should explain my disappearance? And don't ask me WHY we broke up. Cos I have no idea. And I do not want to talk about it any longer. I don't want to think about it. I don't wanna talk about it. I need to get past this. I will get through this.. I will enjoy my time being single again. ;) Hahaha. I will flirt with boys. I will make them fall for me. I will break more hearts. Hahaha. I'm just kidding. I have no idea how to flirt. Boys rarely fall for me. And I do not want to break anyone's heart for I know how painful that is. I pray that no one would have to go through what I've been through. Which is kinda.. a lost prayer.

... I think I still love him.

freak me

I think I'm making everyone who comes here horny with that song. LoL!!

Freak me baby (ah yeah)
Freak me baby (yeah just like that)
Freak me baby (c'mon.....c'mon)
Freak me baby

Let me lick you up and down
Til' you say stop
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
Let me do all the things you want me to do
Cuz tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

Baby don't you understand
I wanna be your nasty man
I wanna make your body scream
then you will know just what I mean
(then you know what I mean)
24 carat gold
Don't want the night to grow cold
I wanna lick you up and down
(And) then I wanna lay you down
C'mon sexy

Let me lick you up and down
Til' you say stop
(Everytime I think about Your Love I want to lick You down)
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
(And when You get so freaky girl You know I want to love you now)
Let me do all the things you want me to do
Cuz tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

I love the taste of whipped cream
(Hey)
Spread it on top of me
You know I can't resist you girl
I'll fly you all around the world
(all around the world)
I wanna see your body drip
(oh baby)
C'mon let me take a sip
Take off what you cherish most
Cuz when I like to brag or boast

Let me lick you up and down
Til' you say stop
(Everytime I think about You're Love I want to lick You down)
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
(And when You get so freaky girl You know I want I want to love you now)
Let me do all the things you want me to do
Cuz tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

Let me lick you up and down
Til' you say stop
(Everytime I think about You're Love I want to lick You down)
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
(And when You get so freaky girl You know I want I want to love you now)
Let me do all the things you want me to do
Cuz tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

Let me lick you up and down to make Youre bounted body wanna scream
Everytime I think about your Love I want to lick you down
Let me freak you all night long and girl, then you will know just what
I mean
And when You get so freaky girl You know I want to love you now
Let me lick you up and down to make Youre bounted body wanna scream
Cuz tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

Let me lick you up and down
Til' you say stop
(Everytime I think about You're Love I want to lick You down)
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
(And when You get so freaky girl You know I want to love you now)
Let me do all the things you want me to do
Cuz tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

Ahahaha!! Is it SO wrong to like this song?? I just think it's got a nice beat and rhythm to it. :P

left alone

This is just me.. trying my hand at poetry writing. Which, I'm pretty bad at. Also thanks to Awang who suggested I try something like this to let go of my inner gremlins. =)

I still dream of you,
When I sleep at night,
Upon a bed of memories,
Memories of you.

Left alone, Long ago,
But it still seems like it was only yesterday,
That I was only caressing your cheek,
Kissing your eyes.

Was it ever true,
That love you gave me,
You met someone new,
Forget me.

Left alone, once again,
Love was never meant for me,
Only luck brought you to me,
But I've run out.

Broken promises, shattered dreams,
I believed in you,
Put all my trust in you,
I loved you.

You had all of me,
All of which I gave up voluntarily,
No questions asked,
For you, my only one.

Lifted me up, felt special,
That I was all you wanted,
All lies now,
If only you knew that i was true.

Given up, I've lost my soul,
An empty space that could never be filled,
In a heart, that bleeds everyday,
At the thoughts of you.