bad day

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the brink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

I want to get out of this place.. I need to get out of this place..

---------------------
(edited: 30th June 2005, 11pm)

I'm having a bad day. Yups... I just keep getting pissed off. Then calming down.. then getting pissed off again. Just just now.. got pissed off cos of something my "friend" said. He was asking, how my exam went (I had a maths test today). I said that it wasn't good. Then he had the nerve to say that maybe it was because I didn't study enough?? That I didn't study hard enough?? I just despised the way he made that assumption.

Fuck him lah. Ass. Just reminds me of my other friend. Patutlah they're both also friends with each other. Only thinking of themselves. Always thinking that they're better than everyone else. Always saying things without considering other people's feelings. Geez. Long long long stupid story. Awang, Wani, and Rafie should know who I'm talking about. (If they remember) What with the both of us (Awang and I) tearing our hair out and trying to knock some sense into that boy's empty skull!! The world could do with less people like him. So closed minded. Unwilling to help. Pilih kasih!!! Idiots. They are really you know.. those kinda people that give others a bad name. They are the rotten apples that manages to spoil the whole bunch!!

They give a bad image and name to the community, their race, as well as the country. Huh.. they think they're so great that they are good enough to pass judgement upon others who do not look/act/believe in the same things they do. Hell no. That's just so wrong. That's being a racist. That's making a decision before even thinking it through or even investigating. That is being unfair. That is being closed minded.

I seriously do not like people who are closed minded. Some people may say that I'm closed minded too. But it's not that. I do listen. I do give things a chance. I just have standards. Those guys? They barely take the time to listen and think things through. They do not give themselves the benefit of doubt. They believe that life is just plain black and white. Life is never that simple. It is complicated. There are always areas of gray. But they refuse to look. They just close their eyes and pretend that those spaces don't exist. Why? Are they scared to look? Are they scared that they have been wrong all the while?

Anyways!! This girl, Melanie, came up to me today after my lecture asking if I would be interested in being a mentor for the summer camp they would be having at Curtin. Huh! She said that Abel, the guy that was one of our "judges" for yesterday's moral presentation, asked her to ask me if I would be interested. *muse* Should I? Should I?? Okay, let's try making a list of reasons why I should and should not.

Why I Should

1. Make more friends
2. Gain more confidence
3. New experience
4. Erm.. more popular?

Why I Should Not

1. So SHY!!
2. Erm.. afraid. Of not being able to fit in.
3. Afraid of messing up!
4. Scared of Abel. >.<

Hahaha!! Okay.. that was just so lame. I'm not very good at making lists. And I don't really care for popularity. I'm usually the kinda person who shys away from the spotlight. But I do love being the centre of attention. Ahahaha!! Does that make sense??

I think Abel asked me cos he wants to train me to be the MC for cultural night. Hmm.. I wouldn't mind. But the thing is.. the only problem here is my mom. -_-" I think that if I did go for the summer camp thing, I would probably have to stay back late!! And my mom is just so "caring". *rolls eyes* So caring that she doesn't think I could handle just staying out late. I do believe, that the night is just as dangerous as daytime. It really doesn't matter what time of day it is, anything is possible. Just because it's morning doesn't mean that there won't be rain, that there can't be wind nor thunder. You know what I mean? She always said that she wanted me to make a name for myself at campus. So, what's this?? Pfft. She's always doing that anyways.. being a hypocrite.

Telling us that we should exercise more, yet refuses to park just some distance away just because she thinks it's too far to walk. I mean, c'mon! It's just across the damn street, damnit!! Sheesh. Then there's the whole, we should be more independent thing. Yet, she controls us like what!! Geez. And now this.

Give up!! Just give it up, Kim.. Just give it, up.

jive

So, we had this moral group project. Where we had to choose a culture and learn a tradition from it. And then on presentation day, we would have to present our findings/learnings be it a dance, foods from that culture, a sketch, etc. There were 6 of us in my group. We had weeks to prepare for this project. At first, we wanted to do something about Mooncake. *yawn* Boring. Then, one week before presentation day.. we decided to change everything. Wanted to go learn a dance instead. Why? Because yeah, mooncake? Boring! Plus, we probably wouldn't get much marks for it.

At first, we wanted to try learn the Bidayuh dance. But unfortunately, we couldn't find anyone who would be free/available to teach us the dance. So, we decided to learn Jive instead. Haha. Jive is sort of like Swing, or the Jitterbug. ;)

We went to this place called Jeff's Ballroom Studio which is near Bintang Plaza here.

The place and the people that taught us the Jive. This was them doing some other dance though.

Some pics of my groupmates :

Elaine and Hui Ling


Cheing Ping yawning. ^_^


Hui Ling looks angry; China girl, Li Qian


Elaine, again. I've no idea what she's doing. So, don't ask.


My dance partner. Haha. Looking at what ah?!


Eldine, "trying" to hide his face.

And that was all of us. Haha. Bunch of sorry sods. :D So, we learnt to jive at the studio in just 2 days. Just over the weekend. Hehe. Then practiced everyday after till presentation day. Which was yesterday. ;)

The presentation

We were the last group to present yesterday. The first group presented something on Chinese New Year foods, the second presented a sketch on the Winter Solstice festival, and the third group presented a sketch about the legend of the mooncake. Then our group was the forth and last group to present. =)

Oh ya. Btw, when I went into class, Pei Ee/Cheryl kept pulling up my skirt. Like what lah!!!! Haih that girl. Tsk tsk tsk. Cos I rarely wear skirts. Only on occasions such as these do I wear one. Hahaha. I think everyone else also rasa pelik see me dressed that way. Hahaha. Oh well.

Here are some pics I took with my hp after all the groups had finished with their presentation and all and then we all had to stand in front of the class whilst the lecturers (there were 4 of them) gave comments and suggestions about our presentations. Everyone looked wonderful dressed up and all. A sight you don't see everyday. Hehe. =)

Doesn't it just look like they are all lining up, just waiting to be executed by a shooting... erm... oh bleh. What do you call those people again? The ones that shoot you as they line you up against a wall and kill you?

Anyways, we sort of messed up on the dance. A bit. Not too terribly. And Eldine managed to get through the whole set without laughing and just giving up. Which is great! Good on you, Eldine! (As if he's ever gonna see this blog) Good job also to everyone else!~ We did it! In only 5 days!! 2 days learning the dance, 3 days practicing it by ourselves. ;)

Yay. They complimented us for doing something really different and unique. Which is good! But they said that we needed to practice our dance more. But they said that Cheing Ping and I dance well together. *flashes peace sign* Know what else? Yesterday was my first time actually wearing heels and already I had to dance in them. Acks! But I did fine. I didn't trip!! I didn't fall!! I really thought I would. :P Congratulate me. *bows*

Mr Abel also said that he would train me to see if I would be able to be one of the MC's for cultural night. He says I got a good voice for it. Muahahahaa. Tambah besar gik ego. Haha. Oh well. But you know what.. I couldn't have done it if not for Rafie.. yeah.. he encouraged me and said that he believes I would be alright and that I would do fine.. although, I know those words may not mean much to others, but they did to me. =) Thanks, darling..

Anyways, after that, went back to the carpark to where Wani was still in her car, studying. -_-"And I made her take pictures of me using her digicam. Lol. Like so... eyerrr... tebal muka or sik malu like that only.. What to do.. I promised someone I would. ;) Haha. Here are some of the pics.. Btw, the skirt isn't mine. Borrowed it from Kym. Too bad. It looks great on me. *hint hint* Just kidding!!

Cheryl: *pointing* Eeeeeeee.. skirt!!
Me: *pointing too* Your head ah!!


Cheryl and Me!


Was stooping down to Wani's height. I look so cacat here.

i'm posting this at 12.34am!

Felicia : pfft.. whoops.
Kym : Erks...
(that's what the picture looks like. Not me who say ah... Kym say wan!)


Chillin' in KC's bedroom.
L to R : Nurul, Wani, Felicia, Me!
Below : Kaycee


Then we started playing Twister.
Wani pointed out to me that there was something that looked VERY wrong near the guy's pants. Let's see if you can spot it. :P Hahahaa.
I have to say, Wani's eyes very tajam this time for someone who is half blind most of the time.


Like, Wani!!! Quickly spin the thing!! I wanna get out of here, quick!


There were 5 people playing this round. One last person missing from picture. Except for his legs. Ahakz!!
Starting from bottom going clockwise : Me, Kaycee, Augustus, (I forgot his name), and Kym!


Never realised how red/brown my hair was before seeing these pics. Hahaha.


Kesian.. you still can't actually see the guy whose those upperbody-less legs belong to. Hahaha!!


In the end, it was down to the both of us.
Kym cheat!! She go sit on me!! Hahahaha!!
Wow.. can see how twisted my foot was???!!!?! Mind blowing! Hahahaha!!


OMG Kym!!!! What ARE you DOING?!?!?!!!! Lol.
Ps. I won the game! Muahaha!!


Kym says that my face looks perverted in this pic. I think it's the other way round. Or do we both just have perverted looking faces? Hah!


Love this pic! I took it!! Muahaha!! From tallest to shortest (muahaha) : Kaycee, Kym, and Wani.


Great minds think alike? Actually, just lame ones. Hahahaa!! ;)


The guys that were there. Hung out in the bedroom most of the time. Only saw them when was about to go home. Hahaha! Chug it!


Kingley and Otah were drunk. *rolls eyes* Kingley picked Wani up and started mock tossing her.
Otah : Pass her to me! Pass her to me!!


Just "some" of the guys that were there. Why so many guys and so little girls wan?! Where got fair.

Those pictures were all taken during the gathering at Kaycee's place last week. =) There, posted!! Hahaha.. Wani and Kym should pay me lah! For all the advertising I did in this post. ;)

which msian blogger am i?

Congratulations Emily, you are...

minishorts of minishorts.net

You are outgoing, direct, smart, pretty, and a definite go-getter. You are frank, a little too frank perhaps that sometimes you get on people's nerves and make them very upset. If people attack you, you hit back with triple the force without blinking because you are the kind of person who knows exactly what you are talking about or else you wouldn't talk about it. Your quick-thinking is what makes you special. You are an elitist.

Which Malaysian Blogger Are You?

Awww.. really? :P I was bored. Started surfing KennySia's website. Found dumb quiz. Took it. And that was what I got. Wahahahaa..

come get me

Oooh.. it's about time that blogger added this feature into it's site. What am I talking about? Well, now we blogsters can finally upload our pictures directly in blogger! Instead of having to use programs such as Hello or ImageShack or Photobucket! :P

Hoorah for us!!

This is a sketch of a Grim Reaper I did on the 16th of June, this year. Haha. Nice?

I just put it up cos I wanted to try uploading a picture using Blogger's new feature, plus, I had also just installed my old scanner again. Finally!! And so was just scanning a few of my old sketches. Haha.

Also, I got into a car accident today. Man.. I felt so bad after that!! Sigh.. I don't even recall how it happened.. Sigh.. the side of the car is dented!! Well, just the right rear door. Mom's gonna send the car to the shops tomorrow. Anyways, enough said. What's done is done. =(

Oh yeah! I changed the font for my blog. Is it better? What do you think? I felt that the other one was kinda boring. *yawn* Hehe.

my dream last night

Last night, I dreamt that I had died.

It was weird.. I remember voluntarily sacrificing myself for others.. I remember telling God that I would like to sacrifice myself for others.. then I remember praying as I was brought up to heaven that my family and friends would lead happy lives.. that they won't be miserable, ever.

There was this bright white light coming from above me.. and there were clouds all around me as I was being lead up.. I remember looking down through the clouds.. seeing everyone so happy..

I didn't mind that they weren't sad that I was gone at all.. cos they were happy, at least.. and also cos I felt happy again.. something I haven't felt in such a long time.. and I felt at peace with myself..

Although I was leaving everyone and everything I knew behind, I didn't mind.. cos I looked forward to starting everything over again. A fresh new canvas of life.

Then I woke up.. and I'm still here on earth. I'm still alive. I didn't die after all. I felt sad.

i am almighty

Muahaha!! I beat Kim at Twister!! Muahahahaa!! The guys that played were the first to quit. Even more muahahahaa!!!

I feel kinda tipsy. I don't know if it's from the drinks I had or from that game of Twister. -_-"

Rafie would kill me if he knew I drank. >:)

But whatever, he's out having fun of his own, and he's not my boyfriend anymore. So, whatever!

And like he says to me everytime I ask him if he misses me too. "Trying not to." Hmm.

Bullshit. He doesn't think of me at all. Just says that to not be so harsh.

What he actually means is "Who are you again?" Cos he's probably out with some other girl at the time.

Ah, he's having a great time without me. Me? His Angel? Hah.

Sometimes, I don't mind.. being hurt. So I would listen and believe and then suffer the consequences of insecurity.

Oh well. I'll explain later when I feel like it.

the irony of it all

"Keyboard failure. Strike F1 key to continue, F2 to run setup utility"

Hehe. Took that pic while I was in one of the computer labs on campus. Ironic, isn't it? Anyways, nothing much to say. At least, I don't think.. Oh wait, I know what to say.. I'm SO stressed out!!

So many assignments due.. presentations to do.. I'm DEAD. How am I gonna complete my work?! Got tests coming up. ARGH!!!! Then after foundation, we only get one week off from school before entering degree. -_-" Barely enough time to breathe.

I don't want to be in the engineering stream. So, what am I even doing in it? Haha. Simple. Parents. I guess, before, I also did not really have any direction. So I was not able to decide what courses I wanted to take..

Okay, enough of that. Don't wanna think about it anymore. It's only bringing me down. =(

Here's a song for you all for putting up with all my crap entries lately. Now I feel like I need more music such as this one to listen to. If only I had a voice like hers. That would be so cool. Then I would at least be able to let out my frustrations..

contemplating suicide

Cigarettes taste good tonight,
All I really want is you,
Either way it's suicide..

why we're all repeaters

"Kim Crazy" Oooohhh!! Definitely. Heheheh!!

These pictures were all taken yesterday during my Physics lecture and it clearly shows the reason as to why my friends and I are a couple of damned repeaters. Haha! My friend, Derek, partner-in-retardedness (I'm such a retard, I'm lame. Muahaha.) got bored that he started taking out everything I had in my pencil case and started spelling "Kim Crazy" out on the table.

You can tell how much of a retard he really is because even his 'Z' is backwards. Haha. Btw, this is Derek.

Derek is a retard too.

Teehee. Another thing I realised from their moment of insanity is that I have so much junk in my pencil case!!!! Hahaha. What's more.. there were several pieces of screws that I have picked up off the floor from the campus classrooms. I have the potential of growing up to be a successful baglady!! Nice to know that I actually got that kind of job security. *grin* Hahaha.

All my junk. *grins*

No, I'm not about to get rid of them anytime soon. *rolls eyes* We all sat at the last row at the back of the class. The rest of the class was actually quiet and they paid attention. Something I really must try doing sometime!

The rest of the class. Faithfully paying attention.

Whilst us special kids at the back were playing around with pens, screws, and our camera phones. -_-" That actually sounded dirty for some reason...

Wani creates art sculptures


First, she gathers all the screws she needs. >.<


Places them in their correct orders..


Places a few finishing touches..


And voila!! Artwork!


Here's another that she has prepared earlier that you can also copy!!

Yes, this was one heck waste of space and once again, not worth reading nor of your time. A complete turnaround from the previous entry though, don't you think?

Here's to another crap entry. ;) You may leave comments later thanking me for wasting your time. *bows*

me and boys

I'm half amused and half pissed off as well. What a strange feeling. Hahaha! Why am I in this funky mood? Well.. my mom's friend, sent my mom home after work just this afternoon. This mom's friend was responsible for a concert I had attented last last Saturday (11.06.05) Any anyways.... that lady, told my mom that I had apparantly brought a guy to the concert with me. Okay.... hmmm... why the fuck would you do something like that?! Who the hell do you think you are thinking you have the right to mess up someone's else's life?! Do you enjoy getting other people into trouble?! This is so retarded. I know it's Malaysian culture for one nosy hag to tell another about what their kids have been doing. Is it because they like to flaunt the fact that their kids might be better than other people's?? Do they talk bad about your friend's kids to make it seem as though they're scum and only your kids are worthy of any praise? Well, I doubt your kids are perfect, ma'am. But what right do you have to spread gossip?? To tell lies?! I am pissed because, whatever the fuck that poor excuse for a lady (I'm not even sure if I should call her that) told my mom, whatever it was, it isn't true.

I brought a guy there?! Excuse me! I pretty much went there alone!! Thank you very much. Sure, I went there together with Aaron, Greg, and their friends in one car, but that doesn't count. Cos I wasn't bringing along any of my own friends. Let alone any guys. I went there alone, for myself. Hoping to cheer myself up and listen to some good music. Nice to know what my mom thinks of me. She thinks i'm a good-for-nothing, useless, boy-crazy girl who doesn't have a brain. Gee.. Thanks mom!! Would it suprise you to know that I am in fact, a shy girl? Who has in fact, never hit on a guy before? Who sure, sees handsome guys and appreciates or at times, admire them for their ability to just look good and/or better than me? Other than that, they're just another person to me. Seriously. I'm not one of those girls who goes gaga over every guy I see. Geez.. give me some credit, will ya?

The concert and after the concert with some people still milling about.

Okay.. I have to explain here how seriously paranoid my mom is about me and guys. What ever the fish for, huh?? I do have a brain, you know. The only reason why I don't act like I do at times is just for fun. Crap. This family is just too serious at times. Usually, I feel this tension in the air. Sigh.. during dinnertime.. my family would be so damn quiet.. I'm jealous of other kids who are able to talk and joke around with their families.. I'm jealous of their laughter.. Honestly.. I'm afraid to say/talk/mention even the smallest of things to my parents. I remember always.. always.. having to repeat the things I wanted/needed to say to my parents over and over and over again in my head until it just pops out of my mouth and I go Phew.. there.. I finally said it. It's disheartening that I have to fear my parents. I remember my mom telling me about how upset my dad is that we don't talk to him or that we don't ask help from him for our homework and how we don't tell him about how school's going. Then I remember thinking "It's cos whenever we DO try to talk to him and ask him for help, he just gets pissed off and starts shouting at us for our incompetence" but.. isn't that why we go to him in the first place? For help? Doesn't he know that just getting pissed and shouting at us would of course, drive us away? It's common sense, of course it would! And if you knew that, why get so upset in the first place that we've stopped coming to you for whatever we need?

Anyways, I have gone off topic.. so back to what I was supposed to be ranting about... my mom, me, and boys. My mommy thinks I'm a half-brained dimwit who is gonna run off with a boy and get pregnant and will spend the rest of my life, being weighed down by a baby, with a boy that would cheat/lie/misuse me, regretting the things I've done. But how would you know that, mom? What if all that did happen? But I won't feel weighed down by my babies, and for once.. I won't regret a decision I've made? What if I married early? What if even 30 years after.. we would both still be in love? What if we managed to raise the most beautiful and intelligent child the world has ever seen? What if even if I had an early marriage and had become a mother early.. I am still able to live the way I want to live? Have the career I've always wanted to have? And live a comfortable life? Well...

Dear Mother,

There's no reason to be afraid of the things your child could get into. The only way for a child to learn is through experience. I know you do this to me because you love me and because you care and you're afraid that I might end up regretting the things I do. I know that you are just trying to protect me from this one messed up world. When I was young, I remember you encouraging me to be more independent. But mother, how am I expected to be independent if you keep insisting on holding my hand?

You moan and groan about me not being independent enough. But do you realise the reasons for that? For me not being independent? Sometimes I wonder if you are afraid for me because you yourself feel some sort of regret. Do you regret having me, mom? Do you regret marrying dad? Are we just a burden to you? Are those your reasons for protecting me so much? Or is it because you are jealous and yes, a bit regretful that you never dated anyone else other than dad? So you want your kids to suffer as well. But did you really not have any other relationships with other guys other than with dad?

I envy those who are able to speak of their parents. Cos it shows how much closer they are to each other. I really wish I myself could tell my friends about how my parents met.. but I can't. Because I myself don't know how it happened. I don't even know why you married daddy. Do you really love him? Maybe you do, but most of the time, it doesn't even look like love to me. Is that what real love is? Is that what it's supposed to look like? Was I wrong to think that I knew more about what love supposedly is?

Well, I didn't know how to end/sign it. So I just plain didn't. I think I've pretty much calmed down by now. Anyways, over dinner my mom was like, "So. Who was this guy that you brought to the concert?" in this uber demanding, tell-me-or-else-I-will-poison-your-deserts-tonight sort of tone. I felt myself getting pissed, and I felt my face starting to feel hot and it was turning red. How I wish it didn't do that. It probably made me look like I was lying. Cos I was like this.

Huh? Which guy would she be talking about? I didn't go there with anyone. Sure, I did hang out with a couple of friends. So, which friend could she be talking about? Vincent? Darren? Aaron? Greg? Daniel? Hiwill (Don't know if I got his name right.. he's got such an unusual name that it's hard for me to remember it) ?? So, which guy?

So anyways, yeah.. those are the guys I mostly hung out with that night. So yeah.. I wasn't lying.

Learn to trust your daughter a little bit, can or not??

I think this entry might not make much sense. My mind was all over the place, again. And it's again, one of those long, boring, serious entries. One that people usually wouldn't bother commenting on. Oh well.

models

Ahahahaa!! I finally managed to make some animated gifs of my own thanks for XingKai!! Hahaha.. I'm new to Photoshop bah... anyways, wanna see it? Wanna see it?? Hahaha. Of course you do!! Well, here it is.

Muahahaha!! I actually think it's really cute. Or they're really cute. Eeeeee!! At the time, they were both posing on the webcam for me as I was taking screenshots of them. ;) Hahaha. Kawai!!

Hopefully my models (Rafie and his littlest brother) won't get mad at me for publishing their pictures online. Haha. But then again, who cares. I'm sure they would both love the attention. ;)

What do you think of it, eh?

yesterday, i kept stepping in melted ice-cream

See the title of this post? Haha. Well, it's true. How distressing. It was like this yesterday...

Hmm.. how come my foot feels so sticky.. *lifts foot, looks to ground* Eww!! Yucks..
And then.. eh? Why so slippery?? *looks down* Eww!! *moves away*
Then.. walk walk walk... stop.. stand.. this ground feels funny.. *looks down* *groan* Oh, man.. not again! *lifts foot and starts trying to shake the ice cream off*
And so on and so forth~

Anyways! Hahaha.. that was so random, wasn' t it? I've been reading this guy's blog.. Kenny Sia and his blog is so interesting to read. Unlike mine! Oh man.. I wish I was more interesting. I know there's nothing wonderful about my life that's worth knowing about. I'm not wild. I'm not funny. I'm just blah.

Btw, this is gonna be one very rojak post. ;) Cos my mind's pretty messed up right now. Ka-chak!! Don't ask. I feel so... hyper hyper right now. Well, not really. Just.. messed up, I think.

Random childhood memory

I'm with stupid

I had to go for special classes especially for students who are weak in the Malaysian language. Which meant that I was in a class together with the international students. The Korean guy, the Japanese dude, and the ang moh kia (white boy). Hahaha. You know.. I had forgotten all about that until just the other day when my mother was telling her friend that I used to be very weak in Malay. Hmm.. *sinister grin* But in secondary school, I was kicking everyone else's butt in Malay. Muahahaha!! Well, not really. I mean, I was amongst the higher scorers lah! Haha. I was beating the people who actually spoke the language. No, I don't speak it. I have this heavily accented tongue which refuses to speak any other language other than english. Anyways, isn't it ironic? Heheh. It's a nice memory, that I know. Cos it was just plain embarassing that I had to go for special classes. =( But in the end, hehe.. yeah.. =)

Positive, what's that?
I've been trying my best to stay positive.. especially for the past few days.. I had to keep reminding myself.. to find the silver lining in everything that has been bringing me down. It used to work when I was a child. Life was so simple back then. That made it easier to find the silver lining. Life gets more and more complicated as we grow up. It works, some of the time.. however, when I get home.. ah.. everything just goes back downhill again. I've also been trying to find distractions or things to do to keep me busy.. to keep my mind off things. Works. But only when I'm busy doing things. It's like when you go for a movie.. you go into another world.. but when that movie's over.. it's back to your own lives.. back to the mundane. Sucks. Hah.

What do I look like?

Me? Ang mo?? Siaw ah!!

Hahaha.. people are always confused when it comes to what race I am. It's so funny. I know, it's hard to pinpoint what race I am. Cos I'm mixed. Proud to be mixed. Haha! But embarassed as well cos I have no idea how to speak either one of my parent's languages. My daddy's Bidayuh and my mom's Hokkien Chinese. At least I can still listen and understand Hokkien. Other than that. Sorry-lah!! Hahaha. I can't understand nor speak Bidayuh. Huhuhuu!! :'( Why am I writing about this now? Well, just the other day.. my friend was like, "You know.. you say your mother is chinese and your father is bidayuh.. but you look ang moh!" I was like this after that -> HAHAHAHA!! LoL. Yakah? Do I? Haha. I have no idea what other races they've called me before. Hahaha.. I remember one of my friends thinking I was Philipino cos of my eyes. Hehe. They thought I was Malay too. Haha. I was buying pork and they were like "Uh.. this is pork, you know?" Hahaha! No duh!! Of course I know. *rolls eyes* Chinese? What with people always coming up to my dad and me speaking to us in Chinese. Especially those shampoo girls, you know.. the ones that would stalk you in a supermarket with a product in hand? :P Haha. What else ah? Ermm... sometimes, people just plain out ask "Wei.. what race are you ah?!" with their eyes staring at your face, can see their brains actually working, trying to figure out what race I am. I would just feel like a deer in headlights then.. and I would just go.. "Uhh.. bidayuh? And uhh.. chinese? I'm mixed." In my mind: Why are you staring at me like that?? Aaaaahhh!!!! Stop it! Quit looking at me like that!!! In real life: *smile weakly and run off*

Okay.. I admit that was stupid
This post has been nothing but crap. I apologise. My mind has been pretty messed up over the past few days.. and hence, you guys got this. Muahaha.