how sad is this?

Broken! That's how I feel!! How could she do that?? How can he like her too?? How?? I thought he liked the other one.. and then the other one likes him too.. but now he goes and likes someone else?? When I've been rooting for them to get together for SOOO long?! NOOOO!

You both cannot get together! You will not be with that girl, you will go and be with your messed up other love! Even if she can't be in a relationship right now, you will do it! Yes, you will do as I say.

This cannot happen. I've already pictured the both of you being together and you going off with some other girl is unacceptable! Gah!!

Dora, why did you have to meddle in all this?? Why did you have to kiss Marty??? What about Faye?? Faye's your friend, right?! Why are you moving in on this guy whom you know Faye loves and wants to be with, only just not yet? And only because she's not ready. You know she needs time! You knew how fucked up her life was and here you are, fucking it up even more! =(

Marty, since when did you even like Dora? I mean, ever since I've known you, it's always been Faye this and that. And when you guys finally admitted the fact that you guys liked each other... didn't that feel so good?? Eventhough, it was a tad bit confusing to hear that although she likes you too, she can't be with you.. but what the heck.. it's only been a few weeks since.. and already you fell for her employer. -_-"

Faye, just get over your issues. Marty's yours and you know it. Go whoop your employer's arse. She won't fire you, she'd understand. And grab Marty. Heck, he's too adorable to just let go! And you claimed him first! It was so obvious since the beginning how much you liked him. I'm gonna be watching what you do next. And it better be something sadistic.. with Dora.

Pintsize, I know this all doesn't involve you, but I think you're cute. But you're too horny. Haha.

I know the rest of you may be bluuuuuuuuuurrr over all this. But I think I'll just leave this one little clue.

Click for some Questionable Content.

let's blog about hairier times

One weekend, Mark came home from Brunei with a suprise. He had cut his hair. Oh no! Debra and I later ganged up on his about how much of a mistake it was. His friend, Ian, defended Mark bravely but that didn't stop us! The next day, while visiting Deb, we took stupid pictures together.

Censored.

"Why did you cut your hair, you??!?!!!!?! Stop? What for? A camera? There's a camera? Oh!" *smiles*

Lending him some hair for the meantime.

He should not have shaved his head, right???! So far, the guys have said that he still looked good, and the gals have said that it was a mistake. Hah! Adeh.. =( Siaw kia..

And a bit more pics:

*What I think about Mark's hair* Hahaha! Ok ok.. I know it's not that bad.. but I've warned him so long ago about not shaving his head! But alas, he "forgot". Notice the little pig in Mark's shirt pocket? That's Oswald. His is a success story which I shall tell some other time. Hah.

the five people you meet in heaven

I just finished reading The five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom. Read it all in one night. It's not actually my book. It belongs to one of Mark's friends. Heheheh... we were all out today when he bought the book. He only bought it cos I introduced it to him. After that, he lent it to me cos he's currently reading other books and he doesn't want to be distracted and start reading this one. So I said I would take it, to save him from himself. =)

I find the book rather morbid. It starts with a death and throughout the whole book, it talks about death. And in the end of the book, there's also mention of death. So yes, death death death. If I wasn't depressed already before reading the book, I would definitely be depressed by the end of it. But since I already was depressed, well, it just made me depressed-er. Yes yes, I know the proper way of putting it would've been "it just made me more depressed." but it's my blog and I'll write the way that I want to, I'll write the way that I want to, yeah!

But the book is interesting, nonetheless. Eventhough it's written rather ordinarily, the story is still good. It's about life and how everyone is connected one way or another. Even if one has never met another in their entire life, their lives can still be connected, and one person's life affects the other whether it be in some tremendous way or not.

"No life is a waste," the Blue Man said. "The only time we waste is the time spent thinking we are alone."

- Mitch Albom, "the five people you meet in heaven"

"Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't."

- Mitch Albom, "the five people you meet in heaven"

And yeah, since it's so much about death, it feels to me so much like a morbid book. There are times while reading the book in which I felt guilt for the lead character, I felt his lonliness, I felt his sadness, I felt his desperation, his fear, the love he had for the girl he met, who in turn became his gf who later on became his wife.

Alright. Well, I'm gonna have to pass this book back to it's rightful owner soon. Hehe. I need to get more books to read. I think I'm going back to my bookwormy ways. =) And yeah, that's why I haven't been online much lately. Unhappy with life, so I've resorted to books. Cos books let me live the lives of others. Even if they're unhappy with their own. At least it's somewhat different than mine. Lalala. So what if I'm being so overly emotional. To bleaugh with you.

I'm wondering who my five people might be.

------------------------------

Update: Apparently, there's a made for TV movie on the book made by the BBC. Hmm. Watch the preview here (150k) or here (300k).

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calling all curtains

Wow.. it's been a week since my last post.. Haha. Well, I've been in a rather foul mood. Not saying why. =) Won't pretend that I may not still be though. I only just wanted to say one thing.

Oh gawd.. all you Curtains are back. Yesh, I call you Curtin people Curtains. Hah! I'm so very the lihai.

*parades proudly around room*

The awful realisation happened when I was at McD's earlier on. Yes, some of you were there.

Oh, go home.

(Yes, I'm not looking forward to the new term)

valentine video

valentine's day

Ah, it's that time of year where love is placed upon a pedestral once again. Where all lovers come out and play, as well as to maybe show off their love for one another.

It's also a time where singletons would finally try to ask that certain someone out/get drunk partying/mope around at home/etc. And then bitch after how much they hate V-day. Haha. Which actually goes to show how much the day really means to them.

Does Valentine's day feel somewhat special to you? It doesn't seem like a very much special day to me, actually. To me, it's just like every other day. I mean, why would you actually need a day to celebrate love? Love should be celebrated everyday! Yes, celebrate it everyday, be thankful to have love in your life.

Haha.. I guess that's why I kept forgetting that today was Valentine's. How ironically too that I put on a shirt without noticing that it had the words Love Is Divine written all over it. No wait, I did know. I just forgot that today was V-day. How very appropriate, no? And then everytime someone wishes me a Happy Valentine's.. I go, "Oh yeah.. that's right.. it's V-day today" no matter how many people wished me a Happy V-day.

Well, I'm just here to say that I've never actually had the opportunity to celebrate V-day with someone special because of the following reasons:

• I'm single
• I'm currently having a fight with my boyfriend at the time
• I'm not around/he's not around

So very sad, hoh? This year, it's cos he's not around that I'm not doing anything for Valentine's except maybe wish each other a Happy V-day.

But despite the fact that I've said that V-day just seems like every other day to me, it is still nice to have people with you a Happy Valentine's.. it's even nicer to have your boyfriend want to do something with you and I'm not talking about the bedroom stuff, okay?! It's just nice to see him going out of his way just to be more romantic towards you for just one day. Hehehe. Cute la, kan? I'll just dream on..

My mom says that Libra's aren't exactly the most romantically-inclined people on earth and I'm dating one of them. But my mom's married to one. Hahaha. Oh yeah, Mark's birthday is just one day before my dad's. How freaky is that?

I'm sorry, baby.. it's just weird, alright? Hehehe.. Yes, Happy Valentine's day, baby. Love you. *muacks!* I'm still wondering what gift to get you.. I didn't think you would be one to celebrate V-day.. so I didn't want to get my hopes up.. but you said you'd get me a present? Heheh.. so.. yeah.. I guess now I'm gonna have to get you something too. Not that I mind though. Just wasn't sure if I should.. since yeah, like I said before, I wasn't sure if you liked to celebrate it. How does a blade of grass sound? Kidding, honey. *hugs*



Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

is this the way it feels to be sad?

A million thoughts swirling through your mind, tears prickling at the sides of your eyes, threatening to roll down your face at any moment, the heat you felt on your cheeks, turning your whole face red, the way you bit your lip, to stop the tears from falling, but they wouldn't stop, so you tried to wipe them away with the back of your hand.. but there was no disguising your voice..

You stuttered, and your words came out all mumbled because you were not able to speak them properly with all the hurt that you felt in your heart.

I watched over you as you couldn't hold it in any longer and the tears came pouring out, I saw the way you slumped over leaning against the wall in the corner of your room with your legs to your chest and your arms around them with your head down.. hugging yourself because you didn't have anyone else to do it for you.. You choked on your sobs as you tried to stop them, and your body shook..

Your head was filled with thoughts that only made you cry harder.. I reached out and touched you, but my presence went unnoticed.. I whispered to you that everything would be alright and that you just needed to have faith.

Why is it that you continue to feel betrayed? Helpless? Useless? Why are you being so hard on yourself? Is it because you believe that you deserved it anyway? Cheer up.. you're not as useless as you believe yourself to be.. you just haven't found it yet.. everyone has a purpose in life.. some find it sooner, and it may take time for others to figure out what their purpose is.

But you continued feeling helpless, useless, because that's what people think of you.. and you've just proved them right again.. But I know that you've got it in you to prove them wrong.. you just needed that extra push.. a silent supporter, you don't need anyone telling you what to do, you know what to do..

So go on.. do what you got to do..

english beetle

I just found some old picture that I edited quite some time ago. Back when I was still experimenting with Photoshop. Hah! Trying to put all those speech bubbles into the pictures. Hehe. =) Cute leh.







So what's the story, morning glory?

Well, we were all at the driving range. Aaron and I found this stag beetle which we played with for awhile before letting it go. We let it go by throwing it out into the fields, where it flew and landed not too far away. After a few minutes, we noticed that the beetle hadn't moved from where it had landed. Aaron went to investigate and pronounced the beetle dead due to sun stroke. Haha! Yes, it was a very hot day. And that was when we decided to take a few pictures using my camera phone with the dead beetle.

Sadistic? Maybe. Amusing? Definitely.

of innocence and naivety

Was just going through my bookmarked links and I found a couple of links from paulsadowski.com.

There's a birthday calculator as well as a link to something which tells you what your name means. Usually I don't do this kinda thing (posting up some quiz result I got off the net or etc., but don't worry, this one was not a quiz) but it was really accurate as well as interesting, so I just had to post it up.

First I'm gonna post up the more boring one, this is what I got from the birthday calculator.


------------------------------

Your date of conception was on or about 9 October 1985 which was a Wednesday.

You were born on a Wednesday
under the astrological sign Cancer.
Your Life path number is 6.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446613.5.
The golden number for 1986 is 11.
The epact number for 1986 is 19.
The year 1986 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/9/1986 and ending 1/28/1987.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Tiger.

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 30 March 1986.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 12 February 1986.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 18 May 1986.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 25 May 1986.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 4 October 1986.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 24 April 1986.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 11 February 1986.

As of 2/9/2006 10:10:30 AM EST
You are 19 years old.
You are 235 months old.
You are 1,023 weeks old.
You are 7,162 days old.
You are 171,898 hours old.
You are 10,313,890 minutes old.
You are 618,833,430 seconds old.

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 2.80313111545988 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

There are 143 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 20 candles.

Those 20 candles produce 20 BTUs,
or 5,040 calories of heat (that's only 5.0400 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.29 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1986 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1986 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1986 in the US there were 2,400,000 marriages (10%) and 1,159,000 divorces (4.8%)
In 1986 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.


Your birthstone is Ruby
The Mystical properties of Ruby

Ruby is said to open one's heart to love.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Carnelian

Your birth tree is

Apple Tree, the Love

Of slight build, lots of charm, appeal and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

There are 319 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 332 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning crescent.

------------------------------




And now, the more interesting one, it's the results I got from my full name.


------------------------------

There are 24 letters in your name.
Those 24 letters total to 119
There are 10 vowels and 14 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 11

The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.

The expression or destiny for #11:
Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.

The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Your Soul Urge number is: 9

A Soul Urge number of 9 means:
With a 9 Soul Urge, you want to give to others, usually in a humanitarian or philanthropic manner. You are highly motivated to give friendship, affection and love. And you are generous in giving of your knowledge and experience. You have very sharing urges, and you are likely to have a great deal to share. Your concern for others makes you a very sympathetic and generous person with a sensitive and compassionate nature.

You are able to view life in very broad and intuitive terms. You often express high ideals and an inspirational approach to life. If you are able to fully realize the potential of your motivation, you will be a very self-sacrificing person who is able to give freely without being concerned about any return or reward.

As with all human beings, you are prone to sometimes express the negative attitudes inherent to your Soul Urges. You may become too sensitive and tend to express emotions strongly at times. There can be significant conflict between higher aims and personal ambitions. You may resent the idea of giving all of the time and, in fact, if there is too much 9 energy in your nature you may reject the idea. You may often be disappointed in the lack of perfection in yourself and others.

Your Inner Dream number is: 11

An Inner Dream number of 11 means:
You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.

------------------------------

Summary:

• has a high spiritual plane, intuitive, illuminative, an idealist, and a dreamer.
• The expression or destiny for #11:
• the number 11 is the first of the master numbers
• idealistic and spiritual
• more difficult to live up to potentials
• has the capability of being inspirational
• leads by example
• inborn inner strength and awareness
• excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, advisor
• very strong intuition (may be psychic)
• good mind with keen analytical abilities
• probably succeed in most lines of work (will do better and be happier outside of the business world)
• has original and unusual approaches
• content with ideals, rather than monetary values
• long-term thinker
• disappointed by shortsighted views of others
• deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, and of beauty in any form
• continuous sense of nervous tension
• too sensitive and temperamental
• dreams a lot, more of a dreamer than a doer
• impractical
• tends to want to spread the illumination of my knowledge to others irrespective of their desire/need
• A soul urge number of 9:
• want to give to others
• humanitarian/philanthropic manner
• highly motivated to give friendship, affection, and love
• generous in giving of knowledge and experience
• has very sharing urges, has a great deal to share
• sympathetic
• generous
• sensitive and compasionate nature
• able to view life in very broad and intuitive terms
• express high ideals
• inspirational approach to life
• able to fully realise the potential of own motivation
• very self-sacrificing
• gives freely without concerns of any returns or rewards
• too sensitive
• tends to express emotions too strongly at times
• conflicts between higher aims and personal ambitions
• may resent having to give all the time
• may often be disappointed in the lack of perfection in yourself and others
• Inner dream number of 11:
• dreams of casting the light of illumination
• being the true idealist
• secretly believes that there is more to life
• would like to be provider of the word from on high

Seems to be quite true. I am very much a dreamer and an idealist.. Well, what do you guys think?

blog is the not-too-new word

Sometimes people ask me why I blog. They see my entries as being too personal. So why? Why do I post them online where everyone can see them? Maybe I do want others to see. Maybe I do want others to read my thoughts. Maybe I just want others to be able to understand me and know me better.

Yes, my blog is my journal. I write here because it's easier and faster to type rather than to write. Besides, this way, I can also stay on the computer and write in my diary. I've given up writing actual diaries because I've lost the trust I once had in the people that live around me not to disturb my things. But don't you think that they might find out about your blog one day? Maybe. But let's just leave that up to God.

How long have I been blogging? It's been years and years since I first started blogging. It all started when I decided to build my own website. I was so eager to learn about how to build your own website. Back then, all I think we had to work with was HTML codes. When I first started out, I already knew that I wanted to build a website, but what of? So I decided to start an online journal.

Of course, at the time, I was also still penning my life's dramas down on paper. I read my diaries a few weeks back and it just seems to me that my english has gone down the drains, for lack of a better word. That's how bad it's gotten. deteriorated.

Anyway, I soon discovered Blogger whilst surfing the web and signed up for it. Guilty Secrets is not my first blog. I've had several others before. Which I have all deleted when Rafie found out about them and got all upset cos they involved my other ex-boyfriends. Deleted them so that he would be happier. I feel kinda sad that I did that now cos they were still memories which I had once shared with people who were also once special to me. It needn't necessarily mean that I still have feelings for them. They are just memories of things past. Not only that, my old blogs were not just about my ex-boyfriends. I also wrote about my life back then.

I'm very forgetful. That's why I write, why I blog. So that I can remember. I write truthfully because it helps me to remember how I felt like going through all the things I've been through. That's why it may seem too personal for some. But I write it that way too so that those who read my blog may be able to feel what I feel. Eventhough I may not be very good at explaining things properly, but I do what I can.

Thanks for reading. Thank you even more for caring.

the shopaholics

Today I went out with Wani and Azie to watch The Shopaholics. It's this Cantonese movie about duh.. shopaholics. It's a comedy and the story revolves mainly around a shopaholic lady named Fong Fong Fong who's been sacked from several various jobs because of her shopping addiction, who is also deeply in debt.

She then seeks help from a doctor named Choosey and ends up working for him when his current helper goes into labour and her first session with him turns into a job interview. The movie audience is then introduced to a whole bunch of other wacky characters, all with some sort of mental disorder all caused from the stress of living in a city. All also with an array of very weird names. Well, at least they gave them very odd names in the subtitles. :P I don't understand Cantonese, kay.


Marriage day scene from The Shopaholic

I won't give the whole story away. I know it sounds kind of lame from what I'm saying but it's really a fun movie to watch which also got a lot of laughs from me. Just one thing, if you do decide to watch this movie, check out the marriage day scenes. It's hilarious. :P You're all welcome to download the trailer here. But seriously, the trailer doesn't do the movie much justice.

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On a more depressing note, I've been feeling rather down lately.

Thinking about how I'm just gonna be checking out my exam results on friday and seeing how I am most likely going to fail all my subjects.

Am chatting to a friend online right now. He's also just gotten his exam results. He has only failed one subject and is devastated. Probably cos he grew up being very smart and he's never failed an exam before.

It's only just reminding me of what I'm about to go through.. I must have faith, I know. I should pray that I will make it through.. but lately, it seems that I've been having nothing but bad luck. Just today, I fell down in a parking lot and scraped my knee. It's almost as if I should just give up and submit to my fate.

Have faith, have faith.. pray, pray..

a bit of an update

I finally got to talk to Mark. For however brief it was. He came online on MSN just now but we only got to talk for a few minutes cos he was coming online from work. It was a relief just knowing that he's alive, at the very least. Found out that he's been very busy and that he's been having a pretty lousy week. I don't know why though.. cos he wasn't online long enough for me to find out. Also, he left his handphone back in Miri and that's why he has not been getting any of the messages I've been trying to send him. I have to do something about his absent-mindedness. Well, I'm not exactly mad or angry at him for not calling. Just slightly disappointed and very worried.

He promised to call tonight. Well, he better..

i'm a little shellfish

So tonight, I wasn't feeling my best. Was down, worried, depressed, upset.. cos when Mark left for Brunei on Sunday, he said that he would talk to me again soon. I guess I kinda expected him to call when he reached Brunei.. I wish he did. Cos everytime he has to go away like that, I worry that something bad might happen on the way over to wherever it is he would be going away to.

Yes, I worry.. It might just be paranoia.. No wait, it is paranoia. I know he worries about me sometimes too. That's why I always try to let him know what I'm up to or where I am so that he wouldn't have to. Although I really doubt he worries as much as I do about him. And I let him know all these things cos I just wish he would do the same. But he doesn't. Maybe I should tell him about how I feel about this but that would just make me seem very clingy, don't you think? And I know being a clingy girlfriend may seem very flattering at first but will become quite overwhelming later.

Plus, I don't want to stifle him.. I don't want to stress him out when he's just started working and has other responsibilities.. I can't hog him all to myself all the time as much as I want to. But it's been two days.. two days of worrying if he made it home alright? At least when I went to Singapore and KL for two weeks I always kept him in the know. How much he appreciated it remains to be unseen.

No wait, I can't say that.. He's been trying to spend as much time as he could with me.. although I selfishly want him to stay longer. He's been helping me with my studies.. He's been meeting my family... the whole damn lot of them and I know how scary that can be.. I would add in the soft toys he's given me but they don't count cos he kept forgetting to give them to me for like, a few weeks.. but then again.. they do say that it's better late than never..

But.. he's also been forgetting his promises.. forgetting the things we've talked about.. although I've made it clear to him how much some things mean to me.. However, I don't want to bring them up again.. I don't want to be a nag! I just want to see if he would remember..

Yes, it hurts. Just tonight I was mindlessly watching the tube.. Mindlessly just watching the changing colours on the TV screen but not understanding what's going on cos of all the thoughts that were floating about in my mind, distracting me. Making me tear up. I don't know if it was cos I missed him.. or it just meant that much to me that someone I cared about kept their word. Maybe both.

Anyways, not long after, a new found friend, Saru-Kun, messaged me to say Hello, literally. Cos that was all that was written in his message. He just had the misfortune of contacting me in my moment of depression. I just have this thing where.. I don't like telling people what I'm going through.. cos I dislike disturbing others.. I didn't want to trouble anyone with my troubles.. but I felt like I really needed to do something about it.. so, I called him. (I was out of credit and needed someone to talk to) He messaged me first anyway. I believe that that is considered grounds for a voluntary emotional crutch.

I do believe that sometime during our conversation that I was somewhat his emotional crutch as well anyway. Since both of the people that we want to contact are both unavailable to the both of us. A very sad and depressing thought, really.. But mostly we didn't talk about why we're down.. most of our conversation was spent on the most randoms things such as Jedi mind powers, psychic powers, lecturers, English, high school, manglish, voices, cars, forums, strangers, ang pau etc. Guess what, we both got something in common! We haven't opened our ang paus. =) Yeah, I still haven't opened any of them although I was thinking of opening them the other night.

Yeah, I think I gotta lay off the phone for quite a bit now. After that phone call... yeah... *shakes head* Sigh, I think that we both would probably much preferred talking to that certain someone that was unavailable to us rather than each other but still, I was very much happier after that call. =) I felt better anyway. Thanks, Saru-Kun.

As much as I wish I could depend on Mark.. as much as I want him to be the only one that I talk to.. I don't feel like he wants to be that person that would be there for me all the time. That's probably why I called Saru-Kun, the insomniac. Haha.. I also think that being an insomniac is extra points for being my emotional crutch.

Hahaha! Sorry, Saru-Kun!! I know you're gonna be reading all this eventually. You're the one who sort of forced me to blog anyway.

Bottom line is, I miss Mark. He's the one I think of when I wake, the one who's on my mind last before I fall asleep, he's always there in my dreams.. and I hate knowing that it's not the same for him. That's just me being selfish again.. I worry about him! I wonder about his day. I hope he's doing alright. Unfortunately, I'm not number one on his list.

Yeah, I have to stop being so selfish..

happy lunar new year

So, it is now the Year of the Dog. My grandmother from Singapore came over to Miri to celebrate it all with the rest of us. Together with my cousins and aunt that are currently staying in Singapore. That night, we all gathered in my house for our New Year's eve dinner.

New Year's Eve dinner. Nothing all too special this year. But it was still good nonetheless. =)

After dinner, most of my family went out to visit an uncle's house. My dad, Greg, Aaron, and I were all left alone in the house. Greg and I played cards in the living room together with my dad who was watching sports. For hours!! Eventually, I told Greg that I had to stop playing cards cos if I watched another minute of sports, my head would explode! Greg felt the same way and we both retired upstairs to watch movies instead. At that exact same moment, Mark came over so Greg and I dragged him upstairs to watch a movie with us.

By the time it was midnight, my parents and grandmother had already gone to bed. Mark, Aaron, Greg and I went out to the streets and watched the fireworks being played by the local civilians. Yes yes, fireworks are illegal here. But they still manage to find their way over here and I'm not complaining. =)

The air was filled with the smell of smoke and gunpowder and the neighbourhood sounded like a warzone. The sky was lighted up by all the different colours from the fireworks. It was fantastic.

Saw someone skateboarding down the street, and lo and behold, it was Kalus. Invited him to join us watch the fireworks. After that, we all went back into my house and played cards in the kitchen while cracking jokes and laughing like we're high on crack. Mark only left at 2am. Pity him.

First day of CNY.

The first day of CNY (Chinese New Year) was a Sunday, so we all went to church, of course. Hehehe. Had to head back home for breakfast cos most of the shops are closed for CNY and the ones that were open were too crowded. At noon, we all left the house in 3 cars to go visiting.

I went in a car with Aaron and Greg to pick Mark up before going visiting. Yeah.. I sort of dragged him into all this.. Still feeling very guilty over it. You know lah... only 3 months of being together and already you're being introduced to the relatives. Gah! Nevermind, I told him that he can get me back next CNY. If he thinks he would like to bring me over to Australia and Canada just to meet his relatives. Haha.

Mark with one of the latest additions to the family. Or is he the latest addition to the family? Hahaha! I'm so lame! Haha.

I don't think he had that bad a time. I'm sure he had a good time playing with my little baby cousin? At least, I think she's a cousin. But I don't know. The rankings on the chinese side of the family has gotten so messed up that she might be my aunt. It was sweet watching him play with the baby.. I don't think he ever got a chance to really play or take care of babies since he and his brothers are born not so far apart. Yeah, it was just really sweet. I know he does feel guilty about all the ang pau he got from my family. All my aunts and uncles. And it was a lot, I can tell you that. Yeah, my family's rather large so there were a lot of houses to go to. =) More torture for Mark.

Me and the baby!! It's a she, 'kay.

One of my uncles there, one that was married into the family had pulled Mark aside when Mark wandered into the kitchen by himself and got himself interrogated at the same time. When I popped my head into the kitchen and saw the both of them together, my uncle was like, "Yes? What is it? You want him back issit? Wait. I need to question him first." Oookaaayy then.

Later my mom made me take a picture of some of or some of my family together with that uncle and made Mark stand in the picture with the rest of them, my uncle was like, "Ah! I also know what it was like to be a fringe. Just standing at the side of the frame like that. Yups, and always having to meet the family like this. Nevermind, once you get married, you'll get to stand right in the middle." Walau eh... Hahaha.

Anyways, that was pretty much it for the first day.

Second day of CNY. Weird, I know, like, why's my face a different colour from my body?! Eurgh. And urgh! I look so FAT. =(

On the second day, I had an open house. It was the usual kind of open house where friends come over and you serve them food and drinks and basically just hang out. The only thing that was probably wrong was that we all put The 40 Year Old Virgin on the DVD player. Lol.

Lion dance in front of my front door.

If you've watched the movie, you'll know what I'm talking about. All my parents could do was shake their heads and laugh while going, "Omigosh! Terrible you guys." And the rest of us would just laugh laugh laugh throughout the entire movie.

Goldfish out of Coke. Greg knocked over a glass of coke and also a plastic goldfish. Doesn't it look like the goldfish was probably like, swimming in that glass of Coke before it broke? Teehee.

Hmm.. hey, it's already the seventh day of CNY and I just realised I have not even opened one single ang pau. Haha. That's normal for me anyway. I can wait. I don't know why I do. But yeah, I do. I wait till most of the hype is over before opening all my ang paus. Yes, I'm a freak, I know. Most people would tear open theirs as soon as they can help it but not me.

Hmm. I think I shall open mine tonight. =)